The Inner Voice of a Teenager Addicted to Marijuana
"Nothing is coming between me and smoking. Nothing."
Posted Feb 18, 2020
"I had my first hit in middle school, in a park near my house, hanging out, basically doing nothing. My friend took out a joint that his brother gave him for his thirteenth birthday. Sounds sketchy, right? But his brother is a straight-A student. He’s wasn't a drug dealer.
To be honest, I wasn’t into it. I coughed so much it burned my throat. But then I was thought to myself, “Whoah.” I had this euphoric feeling that I never had before—total freedom. Everything I worried about went away like thinking I’m too short, nerdy or worrying about my acne. It all disappeared.
I decided right then and there, "I need to get more."
Before you judge me, I’m not a loser with a sad story. No one in my family does drugs, my parents aren’t abusive. I’m not from a poor neighborhood. I love my mom and dad, my brother and I are best friends. On winter breaks, when I was little, we went to Disney World and we visited my grandparents in Florida.
I guess you could say, we’re an all-American family.
But smoking weed, it just feels so good. It’s all I think about now. When I’m not high, I’m thinking about getting high. When my supply is low, I’m thinking about buying more weed or bumming some off a friend. I can’t imagine not having weed on me. Man, that would so suck.
Even when my parents caught me smoking in my room and I promised I wouldn’t do it again, I knew I was lying. In fact, I smoked later that night. My mom cries and my dad has this defeated look. They’re so dramatic. They need to chill out. Even my brother is dumping on me, saying that I’ve changed, that’s I’m hurting mom and dad.
Honesty, I don’t care what he says. Nothing is coming between me and smoking. Nothing.
I get high alone now. I don’t need friends. I smoke before school, in the stairwell during lunch, behind the gym after school. I don’t need a reason to get high. Honestly, I forget what it feels like not to be high.
Most days, I can’t stand my parents. They’re always sniffing around my room. Judging me. They make me want to smoke more. I can’t wait to move out. I tell them that weed isn’t addictive but they won’t listen.
There are so many ways to get high too. You can roll, bake, they even have weed gummy bears. My friend’s parents smoke with him. How cool is that? They even taught him how to make weed butter.
Last week, I got a vape pen. I traded for my guitar for it. Now I can smoke anywhere. Sometimes I even take a few hits in the back of my English class. The other kids stare and shake their heads like they’re better than me. But I don't care. That’s why I quit sports and band. They're all uptight and stupid.
The truth is, weed just makes everything better. If I watch a movie, I watch it high. If I skateboard, I ride high. I even eat dinner with my family high. They can't even tell anymore.
I owe everything to weed. Weed is a part of my identity. I don't know who I would be without it."
"I Tried to Cut Back"
"Honestly, I’ve tried to smoke less. but I just can’t. Seriously. Last year, I went two or three days without smoking, and I had a wicked panic attack. My hands were sweating, my heart was racing. Thank God, my friend let me hit his pipe after school. I took a few puffs and I calmed right down (See "Raising Teenagers in the Age of Anxiety").
Weed is good for me. It helps me. It helps a lot of people. Even doctors describe it. Is that the word? Described?
Now, all the kids at school are obsessed with college applications. What a joke! Spending all that money. Stressing about grades—for what? Honestly, I feel sorry for them. I stopped worrying about my grades a long time ago.
Most days, you’ll find me chillin’ in my bedroom. Watching YouTube videos or playing Fortnite. And smoking, of course.
I’m not an addict. Seriously, I’m not. I’m a good person. And if you think that I'm addicted to weed, well, whatever. Get over yourself."
For more about teens and addiction see "Five Warning Signs Your Teenager May Be Using Drugs" or visit www.SeanGrover.com for information on workshops.