3 Questions to Ask Yourself About Every Relationship

3. Do you feel valued by this person?

Posted Sep 16, 2016

When personal insecurities dominate you, so will unhealthy relationships. The more insecure you feel about yourself, the more you’ll settle for less than you deserve. Three reasons someone may tolerate unhealthy relationships are:

1. Low self-esteem. You rationalize a partner's lackluster behavior because you don’t believe that you deserve better.

2. Fear of loneliness. You harbor fears of abandonment and isolation, so you accept friends’ shoddy conduct.

3. You're a caretaker. You neglect your own needs because caring for others is the only way you feel valued. 

The Healthy Relationship Test

Try this simple test. After getting together with someone, take this quick three-question emotionally inventory:

  1. Do I feel lighter after being with this person?
  2. Do I feel encouraged?
  3. Do I feel valued?

If you can answer yes to all three questions, that relationship is a keeper. Of course,  even good friends have bad days; it’s OK to give them a pass now and then. But if a relationship consistently leaves you feeling disheartened or bogged down with disappointments, dashed expectations, or score-keeping favors, it's time to move on.

Friends that Grow Together, Stay Together

Only when friends can evolve and grow together will relationships withstand the test of time. A healthy relationship is a constant source of inspiration and a place that you can always turn to for support—someone who will champion you in a heartbeat.

If a relationship often leaves you feeling unappreciated and neglected, ask yourself how you might be enabling that person's treatment of you. Challenge yourself and speak up. You'll learn that saying "no" to unhealthy relationships opens the door to healthier and more rewarding ones.