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Key points
- While it's wise to protect ourselves and others from the greatest of adversity, overprotection can be harmful.
- Research shows people are far more resilient than we often assume.
- Stress and adversity can serve as catalysts for the emergence of new opportunities and growth previously unimagined.
There is a dangerous myth that is virtually endemic in today’s society, and it hampers happiness, success, and growth. The myth states that human beings are inherently fragile and that the only way to be happy and successful in life is to protect oneself by avoiding adversity.
Not only are those statements false, but the actions we take believing them to be “protective” also usually limit happiness and even stifle personal and professional growth. To use a sports metaphor, seldom do those who play the game of life not to lose ever really win.
Fragility
Fragility may be defined as the potential to be easily damaged or broken. While it is wise to protect ourselves and our families from “clear and present dangers,” there appears to be a tendency to overprotect. According to the authors of two important books—Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt who wrote The Coddling of the American Mind, and Hara Estroff Marano who penned A Nation of Wimps—overprotection is the greatest failure a society can commit. It engenders a victim mentality and a false belief in fragility while hindering growth.
Growing Stronger
Rather than fear and try to avoid all adversity, a fool’s errand at best, perhaps we should accept the inevitability of adversity and the occasional crises in life and prepare for, if not embrace, them. As a muscle grows stronger with stress, so can people, teams, organizations, even communities. Crisis reveals true strength. It also reveals true opportunities for those prepared to take advantage, as we point out in Leading Beyond Crisis. With the dawning of the 20th century, the written form of the Chinese language largely changed to the logo syllabic Mandarin form. It uses symbols to capture the intention of the writer. The English word “crisis” may be captured by two symbols, one for “danger” and the other for “possibility.”
One of President Obama’s key advisors, Rahm Emanuel, once noted, “You never let a serious crisis go to waste. And what I mean by that it's an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before.” Further, it may be said that a rising tide lifts all boats, but a storm can actually benefit the few who are flexible enough to change and adapt, as the storm changes the landscape revealing opportunities previously unknown. Louis Pasteur observed, “Chance favors the prepared.”
In his last book, Behold the Man, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote that a person who has “turned out well” could be recognized by the ability to take advantage and prosper from adversity.
Sports psychologists Fletcher and Sarkar (2012) have studied Olympic gold medal winners. They conclude, “Exposure to stressors was an essential feature of the stress-resilience-performance relationship in Olympic champions. Indeed, most of the participants argued that if they had not experienced certain types of stressors at specific times, including highly demanding adversities...they would not have won their gold medals” (p. 672).
Psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun (1995) coined the term “posttraumatic growth.” They describe it as the experience of positive change that occurs as a result of highly challenging life crises. It is manifested in a variety of ways, including an increased appreciation for life in general, more meaningful interpersonal relationships, an increased sense of personal strength, changed priorities, and a richer existential and spiritual life.
The remarkable success stories that can arise after moments of great challenge and failure are countless. George Washington performed catastrophically as a leader in the Franco-Indigenous Peoples’ War, but later become Continental Army Commander and President of the United States. Abraham Lincoln faced chronic depression, political failure, and the loss of a son but arose from failure and tragedy to become the greatest of American presidents.
Thomas Edison failed thousands of times trying to create a light bulb filament that would light and burn in a consistent manner, but finally created the world's first practical incandescent light bulb. Harland Sanders developed the iconic brand Kentucky Fried Chicken in his 60s while rebounding from a failed career as a lawyer. And Steve Jobs, who had his innovative technology company Apple taken from him by a hostile board of directors, regained control of the company. He then made it the world’s most recognized brand. There are thousands of other lesser-known people, whose lives are characterized by key moments of great resilience from adversity.
An English philosopher once wrote the ultimate result of shielding people from their mistakes is to fill the world with fools. Let us not make that mistake. Rather, let us understand that growth arises from challenge and even failure. The myth of fragility and overprotection keeps us all from realizing our full potentials.
Now, how will you use adversity to launch yourself to greater happiness and success?
Copyright 2022, George S. Everly, Jr., Ph.D.
References
Everly, GS and Athey, A (2023). Leading beyond crisis. Wash. DC: American Psychological Association.
Lukianoff, G. & Haidt, J. (2018). The Coddling of the American Mind: How good intentions and bad ideas are setting up a generation for failure. New York: Penguin.
Fletcher D, Sarkar M. (2012). A grounded theory of psychological resilience in Olympic
champions. Psychology in Sport and Exercise, 13: 669-678.
Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L.G. (1995). Trauma and transformation: Growing in the aftermath of suffering. Newbury Park, CA: Sage.
Marano, HE (2008). A nation of wimps: The high cost of invasive parenting. NY: Broadway Books.
