How to Strengthen Your Moral Courage

Speaking up in the face of wrongdoing can be a Sisyphean task, especially when others go silent or look the other way. Most of us tend to think of ourselves as more moral than average, but when push comes to shove—when a supervisor orders you to let an interloper into secure accounts, or threatens you with demotion if you blow the whistle—it’s all too easy to back down.

When people capitulate in situations like these, the issue isn’t usually that they have rotten values. It’s that they’ve had little practice standing up for those values in real life. Just as someone with no public speaking experience is more likely to freeze at the mic, someone who’s never resisted immoral demands may crumble when called on to do so.

The good news, researchers say, is that taking an ethical stand becomes easier with practice. Psychologist Lynne Henderson teaches this art through an approach she calls “social fitness training.” Under Henderson’s guidance, people train for morally fraught moments by asserting themselves in mock situations like those they might face in real life.

In social fitness workshops, people identify thoughts that hold them back from acting—“I might get fired if I out Clyde for his sketchy bookkeeping” or “If I call Lisa out for bullying Maria, everyone else will turn on me.” Then, taking a cognitive-behavioral tack, Henderson encourages them to turn an impartial lens on these feared outcomes. What are the chances, she asks them, that the worst-case scenario will actually come to pass? And if the worst does happen, would speaking up still be worth it?

Henderson’s goal isn’t to offer people rose-colored glasses, but to nudge them closer to reality. In questioning, she often finds people have overestimated the possible fallout of taking a moral stand. Once they realize this and start thinking through more likely scenarios, they feel more ready to intervene.

Next, usually with a partner, participants rehearse the tough conversation they need to have. One person describes the ethical problem, another person might play the role of the intimidating boss or shady coworker, and they have several rounds of back-and-forth. This rehearsal helps people feel more confident about intervening in real life. “We did an intervention,” Henderson says, “where people were telling us by the end of the day, ‘I did it on the spot.’”

You can do this kind of social fitness rehearsal as well—either in conversation with a friend or by writing out a dialogue where you play both the intervener and the person you’re confronting. The more you practice, the more bravery enters the realm of possibility. What’s more, taking a moral stand can be contagious: The more people who are willing to do it, the easier it becomes for everyone else.

Parts of this post are adapted from my book, What Makes a Hero?: The Surprising Science of Selflessness.