What Hurts, What Helps

Adverse Childhood Experiences

What Once Saved You May Be What’s Holding You Back

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on November 7, 2025

One’s drive for control once protected them from chaos and grief. Only when life feels safe can they mourn the childhood they never got to have.

One’s drive for control once protected them from chaos and grief. Only when life feels safe can they mourn the childhood they never got to have.

Adverse Childhood Experiences

When Sadness Finds Its Exit Through Rage

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on November 6, 2025

Emotional neglect can turn grief into rage, anger can mask unprocessed sadness, and efficiency and control, once protective, can become prisons of fear.

Emotional neglect can turn grief into rage, anger can mask unprocessed sadness, and efficiency and control, once protective, can become prisons of fear.

Big 5 Personality Traits

Why Some People Always Feel Angry and Unfairly Treated

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on November 5, 2025

A high-achieving person's irritation at inefficiency reveals not arrogance but exhaustion—the quiet resentment of someone who’s always had to hold everything together.

A high-achieving person's irritation at inefficiency reveals not arrogance but exhaustion—the quiet resentment of someone who’s always had to hold everything together.

Relationships

Choosing to Be Loved Without Working for It

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on November 4, 2025

How anxious agreeableness becomes self-perpetuating, where it comes from, and how to unlearn the habit of earning love.

How anxious agreeableness becomes self-perpetuating, where it comes from, and how to unlearn the habit of earning love.

Agreeableness

When You Work Too Hard to Be Loved

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on November 3, 2025

Taught to be agreeable, women can work too hard to be loved. What begins as warmth can slowly become a pattern of self-forgetting.

Taught to be agreeable, women can work too hard to be loved. What begins as warmth can slowly become a pattern of self-forgetting.

Therapy

What the Right Therapy Feels Like When You Find It

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on August 7, 2025

Space, depth, presence, and emotional honesty in therapy can help you reconnect with yourself—beyond symptom relief or insight alone.

Space, depth, presence, and emotional honesty in therapy can help you reconnect with yourself—beyond symptom relief or insight alone.

Therapy

How Two Types of Therapy Helped One Patient

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on August 6, 2025

Sometimes, therapy helps us manage day-to-day spirals. Other times, it offers a deeper lens into our emotional world.

Sometimes, therapy helps us manage day-to-day spirals. Other times, it offers a deeper lens into our emotional world.

Personality Disorders

When Adulthood Feels Too Dangerous: Inside an Avoidant Mind

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on August 4, 2025

Shame doesn’t soften with time—it just finds new ways to hide. This post explores what happens when avoidance grows older but never grows up.

Shame doesn’t soften with time—it just finds new ways to hide. This post explores what happens when avoidance grows older but never grows up.

Personality Disorders

Why Some People Never Seem to Grow Up

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on August 3, 2025

Avoidant personality disorder and the painful work of growing up.

Avoidant personality disorder and the painful work of growing up.

Personality Disorders

When the Mask Slips: Envy, Coldness, and the Limits of Help

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on June 6, 2025

When a young woman’s emotional vulnerability drew me into a confusing and exhausting dynamic, I began to question whether my empathy was helping — or enabling.

When a young woman’s emotional vulnerability drew me into a confusing and exhausting dynamic, I began to question whether my empathy was helping — or enabling.

Personality Disorders

Was I Helping, or Just Playing a Role in Her Script?

Elizabeth Li Ph.D. on June 5, 2025

When a young woman’s emotional vulnerability drew me into a confusing and exhausting dynamic, I began to question whether my empathy was helping — or enabling.

When a young woman’s emotional vulnerability drew me into a confusing and exhausting dynamic, I began to question whether my empathy was helping — or enabling.