Erica Reischer Ph.D.

How to Talk to Your Kids About Trump’s Win

3 tips for talking to kids about this highly polarized election

Posted Nov 09, 2016

Many of us woke up Wednesday morning to the unexpected news that Donald Trump had won the Presidency.

As a developmental and clinical psychologist who works extensively with parents and families, I got a lot of inquiries on Wednesday morning from parents looking for guidance about how to talk to their kids about the election results.

Here are 3 suggestions for how to talk to kids about this election:

1. Remind kids that their daily lives are unlikely to change greatly. They will still go to school, play with friends, and spend time with family.

2. Discuss with them how to disagree without being disrespectful. For example, don’t vilify or dismiss others. Avoid name-calling or put-downs. If we do that, we go “low” inside of “high” as Michelle Obama noted.

3. Above all, this election gives us a chance to emphasize the importance of trying to understand perspectives that are different from our own.

Understanding why other people think or believe something is an absolutely necessary step toward bridging differences and working toward compromise.

This is a useful skill for all of our relationships and interactions, and one that will serve our kids (and their communities) well throughout their lives.

Having this goal of understanding does not, however, imply that we will agree with someone else’s perspective—and that’s okay. This is a powerful message.

When I work with couples on the verge of divorce, this distinction between understanding and agreeing can allow a real conversation to begin, in which each side can feel heard, while still expressing their own views.

As our country grapples with how to move forward after this highly polarized election, real conversations like that will be our best hope.

______________

Dr. Erica Reischer is a psychologist, speaker, and parent educator. She is also the author of the best-selling book, "What Great Parents Do: 75 Simple Strategies for Raising Kids Who Thrive."

31 Comments

How to talk to your kids about Trump win

Submitted by Patty Radabaugh on November 9, 2016 - 4:12pm

My question to you is ... would you be writing the same article if Hillary had been elected? We both know the answer to that, anymore than the Yale professor excused students from taking his exam over election upset, would not have done the same in a Hillary victory. My suggestion is this: Democrats may want to learn to be more democratic.

respectfully disagree

Submitted by kiku on January 6, 2017 - 5:56pm

A man who openly attacks women and rates them on a scale of 1-10, a man who bragged about sexual assault, a man who attacked a handicapped person, a man who attacks journalists, the intelligence community and all people of color, a man who ran on a campaign of hatred just became your president.

He is a bully. Children recognize that he is a bully. Of course this article would not have been written in the wake of a Hillary win. Trump is now actively working to destroy the values of civilized America, one by one.

We will never stop resisting him--and we are now 2.8 million more than you. So my suggestion to America is, start being an actual democracy so that my vote will not count less than someone in Arkansas.

Well put, Patty

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 9, 2016 - 9:30pm

OMG, there have been close and highly contested presidential elections before, for pete's sake! What an overreaction you are describing. Sheesh.

The country has been highly divided RE the candidates /parties before. We always survive. We have a good system!

So the message to kids should be "This is normal and healthy! Our country is a living example of (representative) democracy in action! We are not a monarchy or a dictatorship, kids. The legal adult citizens VOTE and the candidate who gets the majority of the popular vote wins (via the electoral college votes)!"

My God, you are acting like our country has been taken over by Martians or something.

This is just the normal "sturm und drang" of American politics, folks.

NOT a disaster. Normal.

Take deep breaths, calm down, and simply pick a candidate who isn't both a crook and an incompetent mess next
time, that's all it takes.

Policy differences aside, It

Submitted by Cathy on November 10, 2016 - 12:43am

Policy differences aside, It is not normal to have a president who we know thinks it's ok to grab women's pussies and mocks the disabled and devalues minorities and women generally. This is NOT normal. That's what makes this election different from all of those before it.

Do you have amnesia?

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 10, 2016 - 1:53pm

Have you developed amnesia regarding Bill Clinton's term featuring his sexual dalliances while he was a sitting president: Monica Lewinski and the cigar? Ew! Just so embarrassing for our country and disgusting.
It got Clinton impeached!
(And Hillary tried to silence the women who wanted to "out" Bill; way to go, Killery.)

President Kennedy and other presidents were also screwing around adulterously and sexually inappropriate while in office, so where is your shock and outrage over the president-elect's inappropriate sexual behavior coming from?

Hillary was and is an actual crook (along with her husband) AND she showed a shocking lack of intelligence, morals, ethics and judgment as Secretary of State. She just hides her true badness behind a mask.

You do know that her campaign, (and probably herself personally as well) accepted money from the Saudi Arabian dictatorship, one of the most egregiously human-rights-violating and particularly oppressive-to-women countries on the planet?

You want to talk about obscenity, Hillary's sense of ethics is obscene.

Bill is not Hilary. Adultry

Submitted by Cathy on November 10, 2016 - 2:06pm

Bill is not Hilary. Adultry is not grabbing pussy and sexual predatory behavior and previous presidents hidden behavior are all false equivalencies. He is a pig and different than anything that came before him.

fake news

Submitted by kiku on January 6, 2017 - 6:01pm

Stop talking about Hillary and defend your new president who brags about sexual assaulting women. He is a friend of gangsters, the lowest of the low. Not seeing him for what he is is pure unadulterated partisanship. He ran on a campaign of hate and now is attacking the intelligence community--those who should be there to help him and all of us. He supports and loves Assange now, but 3 years ago called him a criminal. He is a narcissist.

If you are not clear on what you have now done to our country you are completely blinded by fake news. Get some new perspectives, and read some books. Please be quick. Our country is being destroyed by an insane person with a twitter account.

I respectfully disagree

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 10, 2016 - 2:34pm

I disagree, sexual impropriety is nothing compared to the harm Hillary has already done to people with her egregiously bad judgement as Secretary of State; she got people killed, and she used the position of Secretary of State to line her own pockets.

I'll take a man whose worst offense is inappropriate touching over a blatant crook who also showed such shockingly inept judgement while in high office that she got people killed, ANY day.

ANY day.

Pick a better candidate to represent your party next time; I suggest anyone or anything other than HC.

A potted cactus plant or perhaps a cardboard standee of former president Thomas Jefferson would make a better POTUS than Killery.

I think you are missing my

Submitted by cathy on November 10, 2016 - 3:52pm

I think you are missing my point. The logic you are applying is apples to oranges -- a false equivalency. This is not about right vs left politics.

I don't think you get my point either

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 10, 2016 - 4:40pm

My point is that Trump's bad behaviors are like a "2" on the Richter scale of "badness." He hasn't drugged and raped anyone, he hasn't shown such poor judgement that he has killed anyone, he isn't associated with any mysterious sudden and unexpected deaths of business associates, he isn't running a fake charity for the purpose of lining his own pockets.

You seem to view inappropriate touching as being as egregious as murder, and I'm puzzled by that. (Particularly when other presidents of both major parties have done much worse in that particular area: sexual misconduct.)

So I'd be interested to understand why you find the president-elect's inappropriate touching such an egregious act that you would vote for a creepy crook instead?

Our children

Submitted by DFS on November 10, 2016 - 5:24pm

Our young children were exposed to despicable language, behavior and hatred on TV and in social media as well as in our homes and in "the market place" in ways that were unprecedented. The inappropriate behaviors of former presidents were not dinner table conversations for the most part--unless the kids were old enough to read the New York Times. (Did your 5 year old understand the issues with Monica Lewinsky or Marilyn Monroe? Did they hear candidates speak ill of their own race or gender?) How do we explain to our young ones that this current behavior--of which they are very well aware--still demands that we treat these candidates--and now president elect--with respect?
How sad that our system and our country allows this behavior to go on with no consequences. It's embarrassing as Americans and as parents and totally unacceptable!

The history of presidential campaigning

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 10, 2016 - 5:57pm

Many times in the past there have been very close presidential elections that were highly contentious, controversial and the outcome was disputed.

The accusations made against Lincoln were egregious and the sentiment against his election was so intense that he was assassinated.

I do feel empathy for parents these days trying to keep their small children from being exposed via the omnipresent media to horrific real life events like terrorist attacks, mass murders, etc.

But to me the most responsible thing parents can do in this particular case is say, "Kids, politics is a dirty business; during elections the candidates say negative things and accuse each other of doing or saying really bad stuff. But it's our duty as citizens to vote for the candidate whom we believe best represents our interests, and even if our candidate loses, the bottom line is that we are all Americans and it's our civic responsibility to graciously concede and respect the person who has been duly elected as our president. This is just the way our American electoral process works, kids. We'll do this again in 4 years."

If you are in hysterics over the election results you will upset and distress your children more than any news broadcast will.

I'm not a big Trump fan but I dislike him a lot less than I dislike Killery.

Idea: you've got 4 years to find a better candidate to represent your party, I suggest you start looking now. And try not to be such poor losers next time, set a better example for the kidlets.

I hope that you did't say that to your kids--or anyone's!

Submitted by DFS on November 11, 2016 - 12:02am

We can tell our children that there are bad, dishonest and untrustworthy people in the world. They will understand that--and these people are individuals, groups or organizations from whom we can alienate ourselves, as best we can. We can strive to not follow, and condone, their leadership and example. But when the whole country looks for leadership in government, we look for people who answer to a higher calling and represent leadership that we want to model, admire and encourage. Saying that politics is a "nasty business" teaches our children that if they want to succeed, they just need to step on the heads of those who are below them on the ladder and it's okay. To condone liars and cheaters is to stoop to their level. That's not what I want my kids to aspire to. I'm afraid our value system is so corrupt that there are just too many who say, "well, that's just the way it is." and don't aim any higher than "nasty politics". Really sad.

kids

Submitted by Marisa on November 11, 2016 - 9:38am

I disagree with telling your kids "your life won't change much day
to day". What if your parent is undocumented? What is you are a Muslim being targeted by hate, encouraged by our president. You give this advice from a place of privilege - YOUR life or the life of most around you may not change, but that's your privilege talking.

@marisa and dfs: welcome to reality land

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 11, 2016 - 10:30am

When I was a kid the first time I became even vaguely aware of a "presidential election" was eight. Children younger than eight are too little to understand politics. But all we were told at eight, was "We have a new president!"
No adults shared their upset and bitterness with us or started rioting because Kennedy won.

Your misplaced hysteria is going to upset your children a LOT more than anything else. The election was just politics as usual, nothing to get hysterical over.

I'm not a Trump booster but I was casting my vote against Hillary; anybody but her.

Remind your children that we get to do this ALL AGAIN in four years, so I suggest that you liberals start the selection process now. I suggest that Next time you run a candidate who isn't a crook and isn't the worst Secretary of State we've ever had, and maybe you'll win. But if you don't win, try not to be such sore losers, you are embarrassing yourselves.

Only time will tell but I

Submitted by Cathy on November 11, 2016 - 10:37am

Only time will tell but I suggest this is like no other election before it. I too have been through many elections. Politicians are politicians and I have no naïveté there. Donald trump however is a pig with no civic minded understanding or desires. His discourse (along with other reality tv) has diminished us all.

OK, so you prefer the crook...

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 11, 2016 - 1:33pm

...who got innocent Americans killed by her indifference and appallingly bad judgement as Secretary of State.

You think the woman who runs a charity mainly to line her own pockets, and who sold access to herself as Secretary of State (both of which are criminal acts) would make a better POTUS?

Then I think your judgement is seriously impaired.

And to the earlier poster: yes, if you are living in the USA illegally your day to day life probably will change.

Every other country on the planet enforces its borders and has a standard path to citizenship, for good reason.

It's Way overdue that the USA should actually enforce our very logical, reasonable citizenship process and upgrade our level of border protection aka actually vet who we allow into our country, as well. Like everyone else does. Every. Other Country.

Way overdue.

You do realize the article

Submitted by Cathy on November 11, 2016 - 3:15pm

You do realize the article wasn't about Hilary because Hilary didn't win. Now that we don't have Hilary to dump on,,let's leave her out of the argument. My point was and is that the President-elect of the USA is a pig and his presence and discourse and demeanor and reality-show intellectual level has and will diminish us all. including the children. This is not about policy -- it's about the man.

About the man

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 11, 2016 - 4:07pm

Trump is no more of a pig than Bill Clinton or John F. Kennedy. Other than their gross sexual improprieties, they both did OK as presidents.

I am willing to give Trump a chance.

So, please do your children a favor and turn down the volume on the hysterics; you're going to give them nightmares. Sheesh.

And if you hate Trump that deeply, start looking for a better candidate to represent your political agenda next time.

I disagree that he is no

Submitted by Cathy on November 11, 2016 - 4:31pm

I disagree that he is no worse. But I can see by the logic of your arguments(straw man, deflect, attack) that we would just need to agree to disagree. The Cognitive dissonance is strong.That said, no worries. ELizabeth Warren 2020!

Nope, not a straw man argument at all

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 11, 2016 - 4:48pm

No, sorry, you're totally wrong about that.

The specific point you brought up was your objection to Trump's sexually inappropriate behaviors (you called them "piggish") and I pointed out that other presidents have done the same things, or worse.

Exactly the same topic, issue, or point.

The only difference is, or was, that Kennedy was classier about it and kept his piggish sexual escapades / adultery from becoming front page news.

Bill Clinton's piggish sexual adventures / adultery got him tossed out of the White House, though. So embarrassing. Very piggish.

Trump is Mr. Touchy-Feely but I think he's going to tone down his blatant piggish narcissism while he's President and keep it classy.

I think you can't tolerate Trump's sexual inappropriate behaviors because he's a Republican; when liberal Democrat presidents do those same piggish things, or worse, liberals just snicker and giggle.

Read the article again

Submitted by DFS on November 12, 2016 - 7:10pm

Dr. Reischer did not say that one candidate was better or worse than the other. Her article was about how parents should discuss the election and its results with their children. Young kids today--even my 5 year old!!! --are painfully aware of the nasty campaigns. It's time to stop defending or degrading one candidate or the other and to move forward. We don't need to share our politics with our children. We do need to respond intelligently to their concerns and questions at age appropriate levels. We need to help them feel secure and to be respectful of the candidates as we help them understand the political process, for better or worse.

This isn't new

Submitted by Moderate Republican on November 12, 2016 - 8:41pm

This is reminding me of the panic and hysteria that surrounded the Cuban middle crisis back in the '60s. I was a little kid, about 7, and my parents made a point not allowing me to watch the news. All they told me was that I didn't need to worry, they would take care of me.

But I noticed that most of the adults I knew or came in contact with, like my teacher, were very upset and worried.

I overheard my parents talking about how some of our neighbors were digging "fallout shelters" in their backyards, and should my dad do that too?

When our school started showing us those "duck and cover" films and started making us do the drills, Including walking back home as fast as possible, I started having nightmares.

Bad ones. It seemed to me that the adults and my parents were really much more scared and worried than they were letting on.

It got to the point where I'd cry if I heard the air-raid sirens being tested.

It was a long time before I felt safe again.

So if you don't want to terrify and traumatize your little 5-year-old out of his or her mind, my suggestion is to sincerely, genuinely dial YOUR anxiety WAY down and just say something like:

"Children, we have a new president; if he does a good job: wonderful! If he does a bad job, we citizens will do a better job voting him out of office in four years. We have a good system, kids. The Presidency is an important job but it's not like the President is a king or a dictator; his power is actually rather limited. So, there's nothing for you to worry about."

I think you are deflecting

Submitted by Cathy on November 12, 2016 - 10:16pm

I think you are deflecting from my point. Im not concerned with parents scaring their children, but that they are (and will continue to be) exposed to horrible, mean spirited rhetoric and it's that a horrible person has the microphone to influence the children. In any event, what does it look like to you when an "actual" travesty is in progress? Or do you just look for past political events that support your wishful thinking and "feelings" and then feel better about it? If it looks like a fuck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.... And by duck I mean an autocratic, narcissistic, empathy-less, pig as president.

I can see you are determined

Submitted by Moderate Republican on November 12, 2016 - 11:40pm

Cathy, you are firmly entrenched in your view of Trump as a Dangerous, Evil Villain, and that is your right to feel however you want, but rest assured that most of the rest of us don't feel that way at all.

The President-Elect is just obnoxious, not evil, and he is that way all the time; meaning, he's not two-faced. I find that refreshing. He wears his flaws openly.

However, YOU are going to terrify your little child out of his/her mind with YOUR own fear and anxiety; truly: small children take their cues on whether things are OK and safe mostly from mommy and daddy. Your hysteria and over-reacting in your child's presence shows a disturbing immaturity on your part.

Your child is 5 for petes sake, not 15. Small children need mostly to believe that mommy and daddy will keep them safe and that the world isn't about to end.

If you transfer your hysteria to your child, then you're not being a very wise or compassionate parent in my opinion.

If your little kid starts having nightmares, it's going to be on you. YOU did that to him or her.

not sure where you got the

Submitted by cathy on November 13, 2016 - 12:42am

not sure where you got the idea that my child is five. my son is 20 and I think he is old enoug to work through this on his own. I am not a hysterical type -- rather a very logical intuitive type (INTP for those interested in such things) who uses my experience and understanding to make connections. These connections have led me to a rather intractable position, as you note. Only time will tell whether you or I am correct or somewhere in the middle. Ofcourse, I think your view is magical thinking supported by cognitive dissonance. I hope you are more right than I am, but I doubt it.

Ah! Conflating you with another poster

Submitted by Anonymous A on November 13, 2016 - 4:28pm

@ Cathy: sorry about the confusion. Of course if your son is twenty, the two of you can have all the adult-level, intense, emotional discussions you wish to about politics without fear of traumatizing him. He is virtually a fully-fledged adult.

I got you and the other poster, DF something, mixed up. DF is the one with the five year old.

I too hope for the best; perhaps the position will bring out a desire in Trump to be less obnoxious.

Rest up; we get to do this all over again in four years, and at my age that amount of time passes very quickly.

popular vote

Submitted by kiku on January 6, 2017 - 6:23pm

most of us DO fee that way. You trumpies are in the minority. We out populate you by 2.8 million. this was an upset but far from a landslide.

the left won the popular vote but lost the election. We are in the majority--by A LOT!

partisanship

Submitted by kiku on January 6, 2017 - 6:20pm

the only people who say these things like "Killery" are people who only watch Fox news and Alt right news sources. Or these purely made up stories that the Right is overwhelmed with--we know all about it. we read them too we get to see what garbage you guys are falling for. meanwhile, no president before has been accused of partnering with Russia to destroy an american election, has actually bragged about sexual assaulting women, of attacking every single minority group, of belittling and objectifying women--all during an election cycle. You can't compare it to the Democrats because this has never happened in an election before. and then you guys CHOSE him, because of all this Hillary fake news--really verifiably made up news from Bulgaria and paid sources in American home offices--admitting they made these things up for cash. And the emails--you think she is the only one to use a server of her own? Many many others did that. Colonel Powell did that. You think she is the only Secretary of State that had people die on her watch? Do some research.

But stop talking about Hillary. None cares now. Stop complaining and whining all the time about hillary and all this fake news nonsense. Now we all have to get to work to keep this animal from destroying our country, our environment, from taking everything we care about from our children. It is obviously his plan to destroy the EPA, to destroy our public schools to destroy our relationships with China, Europe and meanwhile keep on Tweeting about how great he is. Go read some fact based news. Go see how dictatorships start. They start with a narcissist and a scared public. In this case scared by fake news. don't compare this to a regular election. Truth died in this election. ignorance has won.

Parents who are deluded

Submitted by Brad on November 11, 2016 - 2:30pm

Parents who are deluded liberals who have so confused their own children - they now require mental help dealing with their feelings even in grade school.

How sickening....

Your article should have been about:

"How to talk to your kids about Hillary Clinton" - and why she is considered to be demonstrably the most phony, corrupted, rotten, bribed, liar that ever tried to make a run for president in the history of America.

The truth will set them free.....

Please don't make any of them more victims of corrupted thought.

ERICA REISCHER'S BLIND POINT OF VIEW

Submitted by BELOVED on September 28, 2018 - 1:11pm

I ALSO SEE WHAT ERICA IS IMPLYING WITH HER "TEACHINGS" WE WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR THE LOST. YOUR CHILDEREN WILL NOW HAVE A CHANCE TO LIVE OUT TRUTH & HOPEFULLY LEARN WHERE THEIR PARENTS,SOCIETY & LAST PRESIDENT HAS FAILED THEM.. THE LORD HAS VOTED.! SOONER PEOPLE WAKE UP & TRULY LIVE, SOONER YOU WILL FINALLY EXPEREINCE JOY. THE ENEMY HAS CONFUSSED MANY IN THIS COUNTRY BUT JUST THINK...NOW IT'S TIME TO GET BACK ON TRACK.. WE NOW HAVE TRUMP FOR 2-TERMS & WITH THE NEXT 4 ELECTIONS LIKEWISE, AMERICA WILL BE GREATER THAN EVER BEFORE. IT'LL TAKE ALOT OF THAT TIME JUST TO CLEAN UP & SHED LIGHT ON ALL THE WICKEDNESS OUR GOVERNMENT & COUNTRY IS IN.. THIS IS THE TIME OF LIGHT & REVEALING ON OUR GOVERNMENT & COUNTRY, OF COURSE THE ENEMY DOESNT LIKE BEING EXPOSED ETC. SO WE'LL SEE LOTS OF BACKLASH & CHILDISH ACTIONS.BUT LIKE ANY SPOILED CHILD NOW THEY CAN BE SET STRAIGHT.. REPENT & PRAY..! TRUMP WAS CHOSEN BY THE ALMIGHTY.... SO HE'S GOING NOWHERE.! REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED.!

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Erica Reischer Ph.D.

How to Talk to Your Kids About Trump’s Win

3 tips for talking to kids about this highly polarized election

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