How to Master Your Emotions

Marc Brackett, Ph.D., founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and leading scholar in the field of emotion regulation, illuminates the power that lies in the space between stimulus and response in his latest book, Dealing with Feeling. While we can’t always control what life throws our way, we are in charge of how we respond. The way we choose to navigate our emotional responses shapes what happens next.

Emotion regulation impacts our physical and mental health, quality of life, and functioning (Kozubal et al., 2023). But learning emotion regulation skills alone isn’t enough—we must have the ability to discern how and when to use them. Research suggests that the ability to monitor your emotions and choose the emotion regulation strategies that work best for you is just as important as learning the skills themselves (Wenzel et al., 2025).

Dr. Brackett shares how regulating our emotions can truly transform our lives and reveals the most effective strategies to master our emotions.

Q: How does success in virtually every aspect of life—career, relationships, parenting—hinge upon our ability to deal with our feelings?

Marc Brackett (MB): The data are unequivocal: our ability to regulate emotions predicts outcomes as diverse as physical health, job performance, relationship satisfaction, and even longevity. For instance, studies show that people who can effectively regulate stress recover more quickly from illness, and leaders who regulate emotions foster higher trust and lower turnover in their organizations.

In relationships, poor emotion regulation often shows up as unnecessary conflict, emotional withdrawal, or reactive behavior that erodes trust. In parenting, children learn not from what we tell them but from how we model emotional regulation in real time. In the workplace, an unregulated manager can tank morale and performance in minutes. Across contexts, success isn’t about leaving emotions at the door; it’s about using them wisely.

Q: How can readers learn to exhibit grace under pressure and act in alignment with their values, regardless of the situation?

MB: Grace under pressure is a skill, not a personality trait. Neuroscience tells us that when we pause to name our emotions, we decrease activity in the amygdala—the brain’s threat detector—and increase activation in the prefrontal cortex, where decision-making and self-control live. That pause gives us the psychological distance to ask: What do I value most in this moment?

In Dealing with Feeling, I guide readers through a process of creating “space” between stimulus and response. Instead of snapping at a colleague when frustrated, you might take a breath, label your emotion, and remind yourself: I value collaboration over control. That shift allows you to act in alignment with your best self, even when emotions are running hot.

Q: What are the benefits of mastering emotion regulation skills?

MB: The benefits are wide-ranging and scientifically validated. Emotion regulation is associated with:

• Better mental health: lower rates of depression, anxiety, and burnout

• Physical health: lower blood pressure, reduced inflammation, and longer life expectancy

• Enhanced cognitive performance: greater focus, creativity, and decision-making

• Relationship quality: higher empathy, trust, and satisfaction

Put simply, emotion regulation is one of the most consequential skills we can develop. It’s the foundation for resilience in the face of stress and for thriving in both personal and professional life.

Q: What are the most effective emotion regulation strategies?

MB: The most effective strategies include:

• Mindset shift: Changing our attitudes about emotions from “there are good and bad emotions” to “all emotions provide useful information” is a key step toward healthy emotion regulation.

• Mindful breathing: Calming the nervous system using a range of breathing exercises helps to reduce emotional intensity.

• Precise labeling of emotions: Distinguishing related feelings like “anxious,” “overwhelmed,” and “frustrated” leads to more targeted regulation strategies.

• Cognitive reappraisal: Reframing how we see a situation, for example, seeing a tough meeting as a learning opportunity rather than a threat, has been shown to be helpful in getting through difficult moments.

• Seeking social support: Turning to what I call “emotional allies” who can listen and help us reframe is often helpful in dealing with difficult emotions.

• Problem-solving and planning: Taking concrete steps to address the source of distress is often needed to support healthy regulation.

• “Hidden” regulators: Sleep, nutrition, and exercise significantly influence our ability to regulate emotions in the first place.

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What matters most is flexibility: knowing which strategy to use, when, and for how long.

Q: What can readers do today to better manage their emotions?

MB: Start with one deceptively simple step: Name your emotions with granularity. Research shows that emotion labeling reduces their intensity and gives us a sense of agency. Instead of saying, “I’m stressed,” ask: Am I anxious? Overloaded? Irritated? Lonely? That clarity alone points you toward better strategies.

Use “stacking” to help you regulate your emotions. Take a walk while making a business call. Practice a mindfulness exercise while commuting to work.

Q: What did you take away from the process of writing this book?

MB: Writing Dealing with Feeling reinforced for me that emotion regulation is the great equalizer. Whether I’m speaking with a Fortune 500 CEO, a classroom teacher, or a teenager, the challenges are remarkably similar: How do I stay steady under pressure, align with my values, and not let my emotions derail me?

The process also reminded me how hungry people are for evidence-based tools. Too much of what circulates on social media is quick-fix advice. I wanted to offer something deeper—science people can trust, paired with strategies they can use immediately.

I discovered that if people redefine themselves as someone who is well-regulated, it stops being an occasional effort and becomes a way of living, practiced daily.

Q: What do you hope readers take away from spending time with Dealing with Feeling?

MB: I want readers to leave this book knowing that regulating emotions is not an inborn trait or rare talent; it’s a skill anyone can learn. Dealing with Feeling offers a research-based toolkit to help reduce emotional reactivity, make wiser choices, and strengthen relationships. Just as important, it equips us to support others in managing their emotions, creating a ripple effect that lifts everyone up.

My hope is that Dealing with Feeling becomes the go-to resource for anyone who wants to transform how they live, work, and relate—because once we learn to regulate emotions with intelligence and intention, everything else in life gets better.