Why Presence and Curiosity Elevate Leadership

What does being engaged and curious have to do with leading at your best?

A significant amount, it turns out.

Unfortunately, in our busy culture, we are often moving so fast it’s common for all of us not to be fully present or show curiosity with others.

Leaders often believe their role and value is to solve problems. In conversations, this can show up as trying to gather information or formulate a solution while someone else is speaking. Unfortunately, this results in others not feeling fully heard and doesn’t allow leaders to access their greatest leadership potential.

Instead, when leaders are fully present, act engaged and display curiosity, it allows them to share their energy and for others to feel fully seen, heard and acknowledged. This is incredibly energizing and creates stronger connections.

Results of my study interviewing CEOs reveal eight opposing themes of leadership behaviors that occur when leaders lead from being highly vital versus drained. Through a series of four posts, I’m exploring the opposing themes in depth and providing strategies for how leaders can demonstrate highly vital leadership behaviors.

Vitality is defined as positive aliveness; it is the inner resource that includes physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual energy. It is on the opposite end of the spectrum of burnout.

My previous three posts focused on:

1. Sharing positive relational energy versus sharing negative relational energy; Encouraging others versus discouraging others.
2. Creating a positive environment versus creating a negative environment; Being inclusive versus being exclusive.
3. Having access to the highest leadership capacity versus operating with low leadership capacity; Being visionary versus being myopic.

This fourth post will focus on these two opposing themes:

1. Being engaged versus being disengaged.
2. Displaying curiosity versus acting closed-off.

Below is an overview of behaviors and impacts.

1. Being Engaged Versus Being Disengaged

How leaders display the behavior:

Highly vital leaders have a strong sense of engagement and presence with others.

When leaders are depleted, they feel disengaged, have an overall lack of enjoyment of their job, and tend to be quieter or more isolated from others.

Leadership impacts:

One CEO expressed: “When I’m really engaged, it brings out the best of me.” Incredibly engaged leaders not only bring out the best in themselves, they do so for their teams too.

Given a leader’s emotions are contagious, a leader’s engagement or disengagement can directly impact the emotions of their team. Engaged leaders can improve the emotions of their team. Disengaged leaders, alternatively, can have an adverse effect on others’ emotions.

2. Displaying Curiosity Versus Acting Closed-Off

How leaders display the behavior:

Leaders high in vitality demonstrate active listening skills through curiosity, ask open-ended questions, are patient in conversations and focus on the development of others.

In contrast, leaders who are drained become more closed-off, are short and abrupt in their communication, are less curious of others, lack patience and are unable to listen actively to others.

Leadership impacts:

Displaying curiosity in others results in creating high-quality connections with them. When someone deeply listens to you, you feel seen, heard and acknowledged. You build and deepen trust with that person. Trust is foundational in fostering high-quality connections.

One CEO stated it’s when “I am at my best as a CEO. I’m rarely giving answers. I’m rarely solving problems. I’m just listening.”

On the other hand, leaders who act closed-off lack the ability to build high-quality connections or deepen trust with others. One CEO stated: “When I’m emotionally drained or spent, it’s about the facts and doing what I need to get through this discussion and meeting.” Those on the receiving end of a closed-off leader might not feel seen, heard or acknowledged. This doesn’t create an engaging environment, which could lead others to display closed-off behaviors and communicate less.

Leadership Essential Reads

Crafting a Vision Statement That Inspires: A Leader’s Guide

The Key Elements of Bad Leadership

How to Show Curiosity and Be Engaged

1. Practice mindful listening

Mindful listening means being fully present and putting your energy and curiosity onto another person without focusing on yourself. It creates the foundation for real depth and connection with another person. When we mindfully listen to someone else, we pay attention to the details: their words, body language, tone and emotions.

To practice, make sure you are free from distractions during the conversation. Tap into your curiosity for them. Focus on the other person in front of you as much as possible. Ask simple, open-ended questions that start with “what” or “how.”

2. Ask curious, open-ended questions

Asking curious and open-ended questions evokes deep thinking and personal exploration. Alternatively, information gathering and closed-ended questions are designed to draw out a specific answer. Instead of focusing on getting a yes/no response, be open to exploring.

Examples of curious, open-ended questions include:

• What’s important about this to you?
• What did you learn?
• What makes this an effective strategy for you?

3. Show up authentically

To be engaging, it’s essential to show up authentically. It’s not about showing up in an overly outgoing or charismatic way, which can feel inauthentic. It’s about uplifting others through authentic, values-based leadership.

Others can feel the difference when someone is genuine versus inauthentic.

To show up authentically as your full self, be true to your moral compass, integrity, principles and core values.

However, it’s important to recognize the distinction in leadership between showing up as your full self versus over-flexing emotional authenticity. It’s not necessarily beneficial or effective to share your emotions or thoughts in certain situations. With the awareness that emotions are contagious, you can discern where and with whom it is appropriate to express your emotions fully.

When leaders promote their well-being first, they have an abundance of energy to demonstrate the eight highly vital leadership behaviors. By developing strategies to cultivate these behaviors, they can perform at their best, positively impacting their teams and organization.