Marital Satisfaction After Retirement

A few years ago, my husband and I moved into a lovely neighborhood in a rural area. The community has a sprinkling of young families, some midlife couples who are both still working full-time, and some widows, widowers, and divorcees. However, the main demographic is couples in their sixties and seventies.

Our neighborhood is not conspicuously affluent, though most residents appear to be living comfortably in their modest homes. Most enjoy travel, golf, dining out, and maintaining and improving their property.

Having experienced consistent fellowship with many of my neighbors for these three years, I asked a few of them to comment on the quality of their marriage after retirement.

Was the transition difficult?
What do you enjoy about this phase in your marriage?
What would you tell others who are preparing for retirement?

First, a bit of data

A sampling of peer-reviewed articles reveals significant relationships between subjects' transition to retirement and several factors that may positively or negatively affect the marital relationship in retirement.

Financial stability is a key factor in predicting how well a couple will navigate this together. Clearly, those who are well-prepared financially avoid this common marital stressor.

Physical health is also a strong determinant. Committed couples may enter their retirement years with many goals and dreams, only to find that one or both face life-constraining health problems.

A couple’s strong communication and conflict resolution skills before retirement are predictors of greater satisfaction later, though primarily for husbands.

Researchers theorized that older men are often more reluctant than their female counterparts to deal openly with conflict. It follows that the subset of men who are strong in this area throughout their married life may feel a greater connection with their wives after they retire.

A 2016 meta-analysis of studies revealed an overall societal trend of decreasing marital satisfaction after retirement. Controlling for socioeconomic conditions and gender, they concluded that this is happening at all socioeconomic levels and there was little difference between satisfaction levels reported by husbands and wives.

Though this trend is concerning, there is anecdotal evidence showing that for many couples, marital satisfaction decreases for the first two years, after which many couples find a new, satisfying rhythm and flow of life together.

Personal stories
Angie was primarily a stay-at-home mother but had leadership responsibilities in her church throughout her long marriage to John. John worked as a commercial pilot, requiring a schedule of two weeks of work alternating with two weeks at home.

Angie says that this schedule trained both of them to be content while apart and enjoy coming back together. In retirement, John plays golf several times a week, allowing Angie to continue pursuing interests that don’t involve him. Even when they travel in their RV, they intentionally spend time in separate spaces for reading, prayer, study, exercise, or rest.

John and Angie host small groups in their home and have always built a strong support system around their marriage and family. They believe that this has strengthened their marriage immeasurably by providing consistent accountability and support in the ups and downs of life.

Sue’s husband worked very long hours before his retirement in 2017. He still does some consulting work from home, but they have time available to help care for their grandchildren, pursue their respective hobbies and sports, and volunteer at a local ministry. She says—with a laugh—that they are busier now than before their retirement.

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Sue feels that it helps to intentionally plan for time together and time apart, keeping things in balance.

Both Sue and Angie stress the companionable aspect of marriage at this stage. They find comfort in being at home with their spouses without needing to interact all the time.

Another wife bought a new desk and chair when her husband retired. She created a small private space in their home where she could be alone.

These are stories from women who have found satisfaction in retirement with their husbands because they have consciously worked at it and have had time to adjust.

Of course, there are stories of couples who have not navigated this transition well. Raising children and pursuing careers kept them on course, and when these responsibilities fell away, they struggled to find purpose, individually and as a couple.

This phenomenon suggests that preparation is essential, not just financially, but psychologically.

In the same way that premarital counseling can be invaluable for preparing couples for the developmental milestone of marriage, preretirement counseling might be highly advantageous for couples concerned about navigating life together when retirement shifts their rhythms, schedules, and responsibilities.