5 Reasons Why Gray Divorce Is a Rising Trend

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Even though the overall divorce rate is the lowest it’s been in years, the United States has seen a significant rise in gray divorce, with women generally leading the way out. Gray divorce, also called silver splitting, refers to divorce in couples over 50. While the overall gray divorce rate has doubled in the last three decades, the rate for couples over 65 has tripled.

Women in heterosexual relationships of all ages initiate 70% of divorces. Although there is still some stigma attached to divorce, we have seen a shift as women feel freer to talk about their experiences. Changing the narrative from being a “failed marriage” to a “family restructuring” will continue to reduce feelings of guilt and shame around divorce. In my practice working with women navigating separation and divorce, here are the five trends I have seen in couples calling it quits.

1. Married couples are living longer.

The average life span for both men and women has increased over the last three decades. Couples married for 30 or 40 years are looking ahead to the next few decades and realizing they don’t want to spend their remaining years in an unfulfilling marriage. After decades of caretaking, many women want to refocus on their values, interests, and identity. Reevaluating their personal goals leads some to decide to live on their own or find a more compatible romantic relationship. Many of the older divorcing women I see look forward to living alone. They may want to date again but they are not interested in cohabitating anymore.

2. An empty nest causes couples to reevaluate.

Many mothers feel compelled to stay married for their children and feel too guilty to leave, worried about the impact of divorce on the family. Some are so busy with working, parenting, and household tasks that they don’t have the time or energy to think about their own needs. On average, mothers spend more than twice as much time as fathers taking care of the household and children. When faced with an empty nest, they begin to think about the next chapter of their lives. Many women are confronted with how little they have in common with their spouses or with their divergent views on how to spend their retirement years. Without the daily glue of parenting as a primary bond, many women realize there isn’t much keeping their marriage together.

3. Women are more financially independent.

Women have made significant financial gains in the last few decades, while men have not ramped up their contributions in the domestic labor sphere. The result is an imbalance that strains relationships and contributes to rising rates of divorce initiated by women. A 2024 Gender Equity Policy Institute report highlights the persistent gender disparities in unpaid labor, particularly in households with children under 18. These disparities persist even when both parents work full-time. Most of the women in my practice cite inequalities in parenting and emotional labor as primary sources of conflict in marriages, leaving them feeling depleted and unappreciated. Whereas financial inequality once made divorce more challenging, women today have greater career mobility and financial freedom.

4. Infidelity is more common among older adults.

In longer term marriages, many couples find that the romantic and physical aspects of their marriage fade as time goes on. This can open up one or both partners to seek sexual or emotional intimacy outside the marriage. While rates of infidelity are fairly equivalent among men and women in their 30’s, a gender gap emerges as people age. Men are more likely to have affairs the older they get with infidelity peaking in their 70’s when 26% of married men have affairs. In contrast, women's peak years for infidelity are generally in their 50’s and 60’s when 16% of married women are unfaithful. While infidelity does not necessarily result in divorce, many couples are unable or unwilling to repair the damage created by an affair.

5. Health problems increase as couples age.

Chronic health conditions and acute health problems are more common as we age and can increase stress for couples. Women, socialized to be caretakers, often take on the extra work of caring for a spouse as they age. When one partner becomes acutely ill, women are more likely to stay married “until death do us part.” Research indicates that in heterosexual marriages, there is a significantly higher risk of divorce if the wife gets ill. In older couples, 21% of men leave their marriages when their wives have serious health problems, whereas only 3% of women leave their husbands.

Age-specific concerns for women, and some good news

Women who divorce in the second half of life have concerns that younger women may not face. Financial worries, career stress, concern about finding a new partner later in life, and ongoing health problems are more common. Further, many women in my practice are divorcing at the same time their children are leaving home, a profound adjustment for the entire family.

The good news is that women tend to have broad social networks, a willingness to ask for help, and creative problem-solving skills—all qualities that contribute to healing and growth. I have witnessed the women in my practice become stronger, more empowered, and happier post-divorce, even when they did not initiate the split. For many women, gray divorce is less about giving up than finally giving themselves permission to live life fully on their own terms.