7 Tools to Help You Maintain a Positive Attitude

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The first lesson I teach most of my patients is how to frame things in a positive way, by thinking about what they do want rather than what they do not want.

When people look for good things, they tend to find them, and this reinforces an optimistic belief that life is good. Conversely, when they think about what they do not want, they tend to observe the negative in their lives, which can lead them to develop a self-defeating life perspective.

I teach several tools that help maintain a positive attitude, as described in my book, The Life Guide for Teens:

Words in Many Forms

In order to make the positive words you choose “stick,” use them in more ways than one. Writing them, saying them aloud, singing them, or incorporating them in artwork all create more activity in your brain than just reading them.

For example, a great way is to write USE POSITIVE WORDS on a notecard, decorate it with positive images, and tape it on your mirror or your nightstand. The more you see, read, and say the words, the more attention your subconscious will pay to them—and the more it’ll help you follow through.

Focus on Your Effort

One of the things every person learns is that you can’t always control what happens, but you can usually control what you think and do. That’s why I AM, I WILL, I CAN, and I DID are powerful phrases to incorporate into your everyday vocabulary.

Focusing on what you do is a way of declaring you have the power to make things happen. So, whatever you're doing, own it and say it out loud. This will get both the conscious and subconscious parts of your mind engaged in helping you.

Be Careful With “NOT”

Like someone who’s eavesdropping from across the room, your brain tends to focus on the main words in your statements. Be wise and choosy about those.

For example, consider the sentence, “I will not cheat on the test.”

Which word jumps out at you?

I’ll bet it’s cheat. That’s the action. It’s the problem. And thinking about it is unhelpful as it might even cause you to be more tempted to cheat.

Instead, you could simply say, “I’ll be honest and do my best work on the test.” This gets the brain thinking about how to do well in a truthful way.

“Not” is a tricky word for your subconscious to deal with. It’s rarely the main word in a sentence—not the main subject and not the important action. Because of that, make statements that say what you will do or what you do want, rather than statements about things you don’t want.

Borrow a Helpful Voice

When you’re struggling to find the right words to deal with a problem, it’s okay to use someone else’s words to help you. Think about someone whose voice you respect and trust—maybe a teacher, a coach, a grandparent, or an older sibling.

What would that person say? You may surprise yourself with how much of their manner and knowledge you’ve made your own. Or think about a famous person who could coach you—maybe Brandi Chastain, The Rock, or Taylor Swift.

If you can’t think of a real-life person in the moment, consider a fictional character. What words might Gandalf use to give you advice? Or Barbie? Or Uncle Iroh? Or Yoda?

Be Specific

Once you begin to use positive words, your conscious and subconscious will work hard to put your intentions into play. You can help both parts of your mind get started by giving them more details about how to accomplish your desires.

For instance, instead of saying “I want to do well on my test tomorrow,” you might say, “I want to do well on my test by being calm, confident, and focused. I want to be able to easily recall what I have learned.” See the difference? The second statement gives you a goal and a way to achieve it.

Block Negative Words

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Your brain processes what you hear to decide what to do next. As part of this processing, the conscious and subconscious parts of your mind choose what messages they want to remember after hearing them from the outside world. When you hear positive words, these can help you feel happier or stronger. When you hear negative words, they can cause you to feel sad or weak.

You can block the effect of negative words by countering them in your mind with positive words. For instance, if someone says you are stupid, you can tell yourself that you are smart. If you don’t quite believe you are smart, you can tell yourself that you want and have the power to become smarter, which also blocks the effect of negative words.

Remember: Only you are in charge of how you feel. No one can make you feel bad without your permission.

Help Others

When you understand how powerfully words can affect the mind, you can use them to help people you care about become smarter, stronger, and happier, too.

Use encouraging and positive words with your family members, friends, and teammates. Positive words are even helpful to use with authority figures such as teachers and bosses, because people are more likely to be kind to you if you are kind to them first.

Point to Ponder

Cultivating an optimistic belief that good things will happen in our lives may help us create longer and healthier lives for ourselves.

Research has shown that in comparison to others, optimistic people experience an increase in their life span of up to 15% (Lee et al., 2019). Optimism also is associated with a decrease in our odds of developing dementia by 15% (Stenlund et al., 2026).