How Teens Can Learn to Better Manage Their Inner Lives

Telling stories as part of therapy is a way of using metaphors to speak to the subconscious mind, while the conscious mind is engaged and entertained by the narrative.

Research has shown that primary metaphors are part of how the subconscious thinks, and that part of the normal learning process involves incorporating metaphors without conscious awareness (Lakoff & Johnson, 2003).

An engaging story prompts listeners to become absorbed into the story world, which helps bypass conscious resistance (Green & Brock, 2000). Thus, metaphors conveyed within narratives facilitate change through subconscious processing. (Casula, 2022).

In that light, I share here two well-known stories that I have used with my patients to address what I consider the central challenges of adolescence: learning how to manage our inner life and finding our power to make a difference.

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The Fable of the Two Wolves

A well-known fable that has been often attributed to the Cherokee Nation though its precise origin is uncertain, tells of a grandfather who was teaching his grandson about life.

"A fight is going on inside me," he told the boy. "It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

He continued, "The other wolf is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too."

The grandson thought about this for a moment and then asked, "Which wolf will win?"

The grandfather replied simply, "The one you feed."

There can be different interpretations of this story, but I believe that the moral of this fable is that our character and inner life are shaped not only by fate but by the choices we make about where we direct our attention and energy.

In dealing with trauma or suffering, it is important to first acknowledge and then work through our feelings related to the source of our deep discomfort. For those dealing with significant trauma, working with a mental health professional to process past events is an important part of the healing journey.

The next step to recovery is to focus on a positive life goal to redirect our thoughts to the good wolf.

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The Story of the Star Thrower

In 1969, naturalist writer Loren Eisely published a story called The Star Thrower. In it, the narrator walks on a deserted beach at dawn. The sand is scattered with beached starfish for as far as he can see.

In the distance, he notices a man picking up these starfish, one by one, and throwing them back into the sea.

As the man nears him, the narrator asks what he’s doing. The man answers that the sun will dry the starfish and they’ll die.

The narrator points out the futility of this exercise—there are thousands of starfish on miles of beach. One person could never make a difference.

The man smiles and picks up another starfish. Hurling it into the sea, he says, “It makes a difference for this one.”

This is one of my favorite stories to share with my patients. I often meet young people who are frustrated. Some are living with significant health issues. Some feel trapped in families where the adults around them fight or abuse substances or are unkind. Some struggle to make friends or succeed at school or excel at activities that are important to them. Most of them want more autonomy in their lives. They want to have an impact on the world.

I remind these patients that just as they are guided, they are guides. They have power in their own lives and can influence the people around them. But it isn’t the guide’s job to force a change. It’s their job to do what they believe is right, to make the gesture or say the kind words or lead by their example.

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Not every listener will hear or heed them, but the people who are meant to listen will do so. They make their impressions one moment, one person, one starfish at a time.

Takeaway

I have been privileged to bear witness to the recovery and growth of many of my patients as they have brought these stories to life within their own experiences.