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Key points
- Statements without intention should be minimized.
- We are influenced by what we hear.
- Speaking with intention allows us to reflect on our values and those that we wish to share.
During interactions with each other, we use many common greetings without thinking of their significance. One of my patients recently called attention to this practice when he told a departing customer at his workplace, “Have a nice day.” The customer responded somewhat sarcastically, “Right. Now that you’ve told me to have a nice day that’s exactly what will happen.”
My patient told me that the customer’s comment made him reflect on what he said. He realized that he had spoken to the customer in a perfunctory manner with minimal intention of goodwill. He then questioned whether it made any sense to tell someone to have a good day. My patient asked, “Who am I to tell someone to have a good day? It’s not as if I can affect them in any way.”
I agreed that statements without intention should be minimized. For instance, saying “How are you doing?” when walking by someone else without stopping to hear an answer, is a thoughtless statement in such circumstances, and should be avoided.
On the other hand, saying, “Have a good day,” with positive intention could be a thoughtful, helpful comment. First, a more complete version of that statement might be, “I hope you have a good day,” or “May you have a good day.” Such a version does not imply that you are the agent bringing about the good day, but rather that you are wishing a desirable outcome for the other person, like saying, “Good luck!”
Furthermore, clearly we are influenced by what we hear. A kind word spoken in the right moment can lift the spirits of others, just like a harsh word can affect others adversely. Thus, expressing to someone sincere wishes that they have a good day, could influence them to positively interpret what happens to them that day, which can serve as the basis of a “good day.”
Thus, when we think of speaking with intention it gives us an opportunity to reflect on our values and those that we wish to share. I think that when we make statements only because they have become social norms for polite discourse, we lose an opportunity for a much richer interaction. For instance, consider how we react internally to a child who says “thank you” only because it’s an expected response, but without feeling gratitude.
In that light, I considered other common statements that we might make more thoughtfully to maximize their potential to be helpful.
Bless You
The complete version of this statement may be “God bless you!” and its intention can be to ask God to bless the other individual. Indeed, Pope Gregory I purportedly recommended that people use this phrase to help protect others from succumbing to the bubonic plague.
Other ancient worries that were thought to be mitigated with “Bless You!” include that a sneeze may cause the soul to escape, the heart to stop, or evil spirits to enter.
As we typically say “Bless you” when someone sneezes, our intention could be to convey hope that the sneezer remains or becomes healthy.
Good-Bye
The origin of “good-bye” began with the statement “God be with ye,” which later morphed to “God b’w’ye” and then “Godbwye.” Later, the statement was secularized by changing “God” to “good.”
In Spanish, “good-bye” can be translated as “adios” which literally means “to God,” and conveys a wish for divine protection.
Saying “good-bye” with intention allows us to convey our wishes for the protection of someone we care about.
Farewell
Farewell is a more straightforward parting statement, in that its complete version may be “May you fare well” on an upcoming journey or venture. It is notable that in modern language “fare” means “to perform in a particular situation,” while an archaic form of this word meant “travel.” Thus, originally this statement might have meant “May you travel well.”
An intentional “farewell” can convey wishes for good fortune.
Takeaway
Speaking with intention can convey empathy and demonstrate to the listener that we care about them, which can help lift their spirits.
