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As an apolitical person and a registered Independent for all of my voting years (and yes, with many votes on both sides of the aisle, depending on the race), and as a human behaviorist and someone who cares deeply about people and about our planet, I’ve watched with horror as we validate a president who publicly makes fun of handicapped people, calls out anyone he doesn’t like by name on Twitter and generally bullies people into submission.
Somehow, to make matters worse, up to 40 percent of the population gives him a favorable rating. It seems that it is okay to be mean and to bully others and to be rewarded for doing so.
I won’t make any political statements here, but I do care a lot about the state of our great country and all of the things that truly make us great, such as when people come together to help one another in times of trouble. We witness this during catastrophic weather conditions when entire towns are affected, or the all-too-normalized mass shootings when people come together to mourn.
For the people in the other 60 percent, who are aghast at what is happening in our country and how we are “okay” with treating people so terribly and cruelly, what can you do on daily to help make a difference? Seeing how being mean seems to be in vogue can leave you feeling defeated and powerless. Yes, when it comes time, you will want to vote your conscience, but don’t wait for the next election cycle. Each day you can participate in an effort toward kindness. Every little thing does matter; the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings ripples for miles, causing the butterfly effect, and as Johann Gottlieb Fichte says in The Vocation of Man (1800) "you could not remove a single grain of sand from its place without thereby ... changing something throughout all parts of the immeasurable whole."
So, each of us matters and each of our actions is a single grain of sand. You have to choose each day what sort of sand you will sift, and what you will contribute to the balance of goodness and caring versus meanness and bullying. Here are some simple ideas that can make a world of difference, and maybe on a given day one might make you feel better and more hopeful, too:
1. Spend time with someone who is very different from you. When I was growing up, I was the only person in the community with my religious background. I had friends from all different faiths, and so I spent a lot of time going to their synagogues, churches, houses of worship and family meetings. It was very eye-opening to find how many of the exact same themes ran through each of the different religions and how similar the teachings were. Yes, the pomp and circumstance were different, but the messages were much the same. The same goes for lifestyle: find people from different ethnic backgrounds or living different lifestyles. The homosexual couple raising their kids is dealing with many of the same issues as the heterosexual ones raising their kids next door. Reach out and find the common ground; and remember one of my favorite quotes from a Buddy Guy song called “Skin Deep”: Underneath we’re all the same, we’re all the same. The more time you spend deliberately seeking out people who are different from you in many ways, the more truth you will find in this simple lyric.
2. Find ways to be kind every day. If another car is waiting to enter the roadway, let the driver go ahead of you. You won’t be delayed in any meaningful way by letting another person go in front of you. And even if you are, it won’t change the trajectory of your life. Practice respectful driving; use your blinker, move into the slow lane if you are traveling slower than other traffic, don’t cut in front of the car next to you just because you want to move over; instead, wait for the car to pass you, and don’t run the yellow light that is now a red because you can’t wait three minutes for the light to change again. Aggressive driving brings up your own blood pressure, and it sends out a negative wave of energy to everyone around you. Likewise, when you are shopping, visiting someone somewhere, or walking into a reception area, wherever you may go, smile at others and say hello. Others are likely having a hard time of it too, so do something to make their day.
3. Be generous. Only a small portion of the population will even tip the hotel maid. You might think you’ve paid well for the night, but someone is cleaning up after you and a couple of dollars won’t make much of a difference to you, but it adds up for them. Or if you don’t need all of the clothes or home goods you have, donate them to a worthy cause or give them to a yard sale for a non-profit. You might not have much, but you probably have more than others do.
4. Adopt, don’t shop. Millions of perfectly healthy animals are put down or wind up in shelters every single year, while others languish in puppy mills being harmed and abused because people choose to buy a “cute dog” in a pet store. If you want to love an animal, and there are so many out there needing love, be careful about where you go and how you get one. Many times a rescued dog or cat will show his or her gratitude by being the best pet ever, and offer you the unconditional love you may need to be kind and gracious toward others. Many people feel unworthy and unloved, and animals fill this void by giving us unending kindness. If you can’t adopt for financial reasons or because your living situation prohibits it, consider volunteering at a shelter to give the animals who are stuck there some love and attention.
5. Take action by donating, marching, volunteering, or working for or with an organization trying to make a difference. Lonely people in nursing homes, overflowing foster care in many states, groups working to prevent poaching and trophy hunting of endangered animals, homelessness, hunger, addiction—the list is long and in need of people who care about making a difference.
Just do something. We need random acts of kindness and caring now more than ever. Find a way you can create that ripple effect and start flapping your butterfly wings.
