Is Learning to “Go With the Flow” the Best Thing for Success?

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When tensions run high, stress abounds and frustrations mount, you might have a well-meaning friend or family member tell you “Just relax and go with the flow." This person is likely trying to calm you down and reorient you to being more positive and less stressed, but is it really the best advice?

What does it mean to “go with the flow?" The origin dates back to the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. He apparently encouraged people not to waste energy and fight against society, but rather to accept things as they are and just go along with them. The saying has morphed over time to mean one should adopt a relaxed attitude and let life carry you along, instead of fighting against it and wishing things were different.

In today’s world, there are two distinctly different ways to apply or misapply this age-old saying.

On the one hand, there is no use fighting and wishing things were different. You aren’t the height you wanted to be? You weren’t born into a family with money? You don’t live in a beautiful place? You can’t afford to go to the most expensive college? Everyone’s life is filled with disappointments of one sort or another. Focusing on what you do not have, and giving your personal energy to what you lack, only causes more sorrow. There are things you cannot change. Instead of railing against those things, turn your attention to the things you can do something about.

While you can’t change some circumstances, you can take steps to make a difference in your life, and that of others. Saying you just “go with the flow” and can’t create some sort of change is often a cop-out and lets a person off the hook without taking any steps at all.

There is a wonderful spiritual joke called “I sent you a rowboat” that illustrates a person who doesn’t do much in life because they believe that God will do everything for them. They run into a time of great turmoil and still believe that by doing nothing, they will be saved. I won’t spoil the outcome, but suffice to say that you were created with greater power than you may give yourself credit for!

It is possible to be relaxed, and experience very little stress, and also be a person who takes some charge of the things you want to do in life. You can change your circumstances, you can shift your experience — but it takes focus and commitment to do so.

First, be sure you understand what you want your circumstances to be. What does success look like to you? Many people are so used to reacting and resisting that when asked what they do want, they don’t have a ready answer. What sorts of things make you happy? Orient your mind to focusing on the things you like and want, and away from what upsets and stresses you.

Next, consider that obstacles are real. If you were floating in your boat going with the flow of a river, it is very possible you could hit a rock or tree branch and your boat might stop. You wouldn’t just sit there indefinitely, hoping it would become dislodged someday! Rather, you would examine your options and find what you can do. You would take the necessary steps to continue on your journey. What you would not do is decide to cut down all of the trees in the valley, or rail against the fact that there are rocks in the water (well, you could do this but it would be a terrible waste of your energy!). You would take the necessary steps, and no more than that, to get yourself back on track.

Lastly, have a plan but stay open to possibilities. Defining success, and working toward a goal or trying to change something, is not a bad thing on its own. But sometimes your plans don’t turn out the way you’d like them to. This is when the “flow” experience can be helpful. Maybe there is a better opportunity waiting for you. Maybe it isn’t the right place and the right time, but it will be in the future. When you have a firm idea of how things should go, and you are wedded to that idea, you don’t stay open to new information or changes that could actually be better for you.

It is possible to have a “flow” attitude in life, but still work toward goals and dreams that are meaningful to you. Waking up each day to wonder what’s going to happen next may ultimately lead you to the same room in your apartment day after day. You do have to step outside and explore, try new things, and make reasonable plans for where you want to go. Just stay in “flow” as you go about this and take each step as a learning opportunity along the way.