Reflecting on the Covid-19 Pandemic Years Later

It was six years ago this week that the local government enacted the first shelter-in-place order in response to the Covid-19 pandemic. This was the beginning of the hunkered-down lifestyle: some working from home, some not. Lots of comfy clothes. Ordering everything for delivery. Canceling plans: travel, concerts, and eating out. Creating your Covid bubble of safe people to socialize with. Learning how to Zoom. Getting your school-age children to focus on their online classes.

At that time, we really did not know what we were in for. Setting politics aside completely, I think it is easy for people to forget that the reasons local authorities across the country enacted the shelter-in-place were threefold:

• Covid-19 was a brand-new virus humans had never encountered before, and science and medicine needed time to study and understand it
• In places like Milan, Italy, it was clear the virus strain at that time had the power to devastate or kill a large number of people (including otherwise healthy people) in a community, and the shelter-in- place effort was an attempt to save lives
• Authorities did not want to overwhelm local health care systems

After all, each region only has so many hospital beds for the sick, no matter their illness (broken legs and heart attacks still happen year-round).

It is worth noting that local authorities announce shelter-in-place orders for other reasons, such as a gas leak or other emergencies. And so, we were asked, not required, to change our behavior immediately and dramatically in many industries and systems, like education, unprepared. It is understandable why so many people were angry and irritable during this time; the fear was palpable, and the guidance from experts was confusing and sometimes contradictory. This was especially difficult for those who have a high need for certainty, a low risk tolerance, a tendency towards rigidity, or a complex relationship with authority.

It is obvious in hindsight that because of the 2020 pandemic, we experienced a collective trauma. What were routine and mundane activities before Covid suddenly became fraught. What used to be reliable suddenly was not. In addition, other people, especially strangers, suddenly became potential huge and unknown health dangers. All of this was psychologically devastating to us humans, a social species that relies on others for connection, comfort, and survival.

As the world slowly and cautiously opened back up over the next few years (not without a few stops and starts), it seemed like everyone just wanted to go back to life as they knew it before, catch up on what they thought they missed out on, and not talk about or process what everyone went through. It was a “nothing to see here” mentality. This sent the experience and psychological effects underground.

As you read this and reflect on your personal experiences during the 2020 pandemic, ask yourself: Did Covid change you? If so, how? Besides the external factors like maybe you changed jobs, moved, or lost a loved one to Covid, I want to think about deeper experiences, such as your relationship to your family, your health, your priorities, other people, indoor and outdoor spaces, your sense of time, grief and loss, assessing risk, and seeking safety.

One thing I notice in my practice is that because of the 2020 pandemic, some people desire more time to stay at home and be by themselves (and with no shortage of ways to entertain themselves). More alarmingly, I also notice some people have lost some interpersonal skills as a result of the pandemic-induced physical isolation and psychological trauma of the experience. Things like having low tolerance for instability, frequent change, unpredictability, unreliability, ambiguity, social awkwardness, and vulnerability. I also see behaviors such as seeking predictability and reliability, like wanting some guarantee before taking a risk; poor conflict resolution skills; acting out when emotionally flooded; and emotional exhaustion from constant assessment of risks and safety in any given situation.

In the face of this, I see a need to build empathy, patience, humility, give someone the benefit of the doubt, and make eye contact. And most importantly of all, the internal motivation to build, or in some cases, rebuild, these skills. All of these together are a trauma response.

With all this going on psychologically and emotionally, it is no surprise that some people are increasingly turning to machines, not other humans, to meet their wants and needs. (Also interesting: using machines in our personal lives has simultaneously grown in the last few years.) When a person lacks the internal resources to deal with the complexities of human relationships, their wants and needs don’t go away. The person changes how they go about getting them met.

This actually means the need for psychotherapy, and especially psychotherapeutic groups, is needed more now than ever. In addition to processing the collective trauma of the 2020 pandemic, these are also places folks can build or rebuild their interpersonal skills.

In my own reflection on that time, I think of 2020 as the Year of Breath Awareness:

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• Covid-19 being a respiratory disease
• George Floyd’s tragic and traumatizing final words: “I can’t breathe”
• Then the country (and the world) collectively and metaphorically held its breath for the outcome of the presidential election that fall

Our awareness of breath was everywhere. Breath is a literal and metaphorical reminder of our vitality and its paradoxical fragility and strength. May we all take greater care of our collective fragility and strength.