Do You Have Dating App Fatigue?

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Dating apps have emerged as a dominant tool for finding love in the digital age, where interactions are often carefully curated in advance. According to a recent report in Forbes, (Booth and Verhulst, 2025), nearly three in ten U.S. adults report using a dating site or app. While these platforms play a pivotal role in the romantic lives of millions, the seemingly endless selection pool often leaves many young people feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and uneasy.

Younger generations who grew up with smartphones tend to find asynchronous communication far easier to navigate than face-to-face interactions. They may prefer texting or sending voice messages over real-time conversations. In their highly digitized world, real-time interactions can be anxiety-provoking, as they require quick decision-making, boundary-setting, and the ability to interpret both internal and external cues on the spot.

Many young people report preferring dating apps as they alleviate the stress and pressure of making a first impression and give them the opportunity to meet people outside of their daily social circles. However, spending long hours on these apps, swiping through profiles like an online shopping catalogue, can increase loneliness, and make the experience feel impersonal and unsatisfying.

While some users are looking for casual sex, others are in search of long-term relationships. For some, dating apps serve to feed their ego and find social validation, while others are in the market to find true meaningful connections. However, the ambiguity surrounding relationship goals, intentions, and the stress of weeding out scammers can feel exhausting.

The impersonal nature of dating apps can also give rise to toxic dating patterns such as ghosting, love bombing, breadcrumbing, and catfishing. These experiences can leave people feeling hurt, shatter their sense of self-worth, and make them lose faith in healthy romantic relationships.

Dating apps also create an ecosystem that is conducive to deception and dishonesty. Users may misrepresent themselves, giving false information about their careers, their relationship status, and hobbies, or post photos of themselves that don’t represent their current appearance or age. These platforms make it easy for someone to lie about their past dating history, family background, and even ethnicity. When the relationship progresses to meeting in person and the truth comes to light, it may lead to feelings of disappointment and betrayal.

While we may understand that someone lying about themselves often stems from their insecurities or a flawed sense of self, it still doesn’t make the experience less painful. Such encounters can leave us feeling rejected and hopeless, and discourage us from putting ourselves out there again.

Do Dating Apps Take More Than They Give?

One way of assessing if the dating app use takes away more than it gives is to ask ourselves whether it interferes with our daily activities, negatively impacts our self-esteem, interferes with our personal growth, or gets in the way of real-life, face-to-face meet-ups.

While for some the asynchronous nature of communication might spark creativity, for some it might feel like they are just recycling conversations. Getting in touch with our emotions and evaluating whether we are more likely to feel energized, inspired, curious, or let down, disappointed, and betrayed will give us important information in terms of how these apps impact our sense of self.

Being scammed, lied to, or ghosted—especially if we have emotionally invested in someone—can be devastating. These experiences can leave us feeling crushed and lead us to approach future relationships with cynicism and mistrust.

If dating apps make us feel disposable, rejected, disqualified, abandoned, and burned out, taking breaks and investing in self-care and relationships that nurture us will have healing benefits.

How to Make Dating Apps Work for You

As much as dating apps give you access to people who might not be in your immediate orbit, managing and maintaining a profile may be frustrating and time-consuming.

Rather than mindlessly swiping, take the time to clarify what you are looking for—whether it is a fling, a long-term partner, or a specific type of connection. Having a clear idea of the kind of person you hope to meet and the dating styles that align with your interests provides a foundation for using the app effectively. Setting clear boundaries and expectations from the beginning, and confidently, unapologetically expressing them is key to ensuring your needs are met.

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Being more pragmatic and goal-driven rather than having a "let’s see where this goes" approach can help fast-forward through the ambiguity of dating apps. Having clear goals and an understanding of what your red flags are can also prevent toxic relationships from going too far and keep you from spending energy on people who, at the end of the day, don’t deserve it.

Knowing your dealbreakers and non-negotiables in a relationship is essential. When you are clear about what you want and refuse to settle for less, you naturally attract compatible people who share similar relationship goals.

The “So, what are we?” conversation is an inevitable part of dating. Having direct and honest discussions can strengthen connections and weed out those that will not work. If gaining clarity is a goal, it is often beneficial to have this conversation sooner rather than later.

It is important to challenge ourselves to embrace the discomfort of real-life relationships, staying present and open to interactions with people who cross our paths every day. Paying attention to the person we see at the coffee shop we stop by before work, or our neighbor who takes their dog to the same park, or the person sitting next to you on the train could lead to meeting new people and finding real-time connection.

Before swearing off all dating apps after experiencing heartbreak, it is worth redefining what success means in this context. Even if you didn’t find your Prince(ss) Charming, getting to know people that you normally wouldn’t have met, being out on fun dates where you shared a laugh and felt connected to another human being or even found a friend may be a "success" even if the relationship didn’t stick.

Putting ourselves out there is undoubtedly a risk, but no meaningful relationship exists without some degree of vulnerability. The alternative is resigning ourselves to loneliness and isolation. While there is always the possibility of getting hurt, avoiding the risks altogether comes at the much greater cost of missing out on connection.