8 Pet Peeves about Doctors
Eight things I’d like to change about doctors.
Posted March 8, 2015

I’ve had some excellent medical care, so I want don’t want to paint with too broad a brush. But the following have happened to me and others multiple times, so I think it’s fair to call them Pet Peeves.
1. Doctors who hide from me what’s showing on their computer screens
My primary care doctor never does this. He comes in the examining room, sits down next to me, and pulls the computer screen over so it’s in front of both of us. Then we look at my medical records together. I definitely get better care this way. I can tell him if something is missing (for example, the record of an appointment I had with a specialist). We can discuss my medications list. I can see that he hasn’t entered anything “secretive” about me (such as “difficult patient”). I feel as if we’re partners in my health care.
2. Doctors who don’t look at me when they’re asking questions, because they’re typing on their computer screens while they’re talking
I’ve had doctors come in the examining room, sit behind their computers so that I’m looking at the back of the monitor, and start peppering me with questions without looking me in the eye. As I answer, they type away. The only time they look at me is when they’re ready to say, “Put on this gown, and I’ll be back to examine you.”
3. Doctors who aren’t honest with me about their ability to treat me
If a doctor isn’t sure whether he or she can help me, I want to know upfront. I can take it. In the early years of the chronic illness I developed in 2001 when I failed to recover from a viral infection, I had at least half a dozen doctors start off a consult by announcing in no uncertain terms that they were going to cure me. They’d order a battery of tests but, when they came back negative, they treated me as if I’d done something wrong. They forgot their promise and, instead, told me to go back to my primary care doctor.
I’ll always appreciate the endocrinologist who said to me, “I don’t know if I can help you, but I’ll do everything within my area of specialization to try.” She wasn’t able to help me, but I count her among the best doctors I’ve seen.
4. Doctors who rush through instructions on taking a new medication
This may sound like a minor complaint, but I know something’s wrong when I get to the car and I can’t remember what the doctor said about how often to take a medication, what side-effects to watch out for, and under what circumstances I’m supposed to check back in with the doctor. I’ll recall that the doctor mentioned this stuff, but it went by so fast, it’s a blur to me. I’ve learned to counter this by repeating back to doctors what they’ve said, even if I have to do it while they’re standing in the doorway on their way out of the room.
5. Doctors who talk down to me as if I’m a child
Perhaps there’s ageism at work here, yet I’ve had young people report the same problem. Yes, I didn’t go to medical school, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t educated myself about my medical problems.
6. Doctors who tell me to start exercising
Anything but the gentlest exercise is counter-indicated for many people who are chronically ill. Even so, doctors always seem to recommend it. I’ve decided it must be on a list of parting instructions they memorized in medical school to say to each patient at the end of an appointment: “Eat well, get enough sleep, and start exercising.” It sure would be nice to hear a doctor say something like: “I know your illness limits what you can do, but try to do a little something each day, even if it’s only some stretching or balancing.” To hear a doctor acknowledge that I’m limited in what I can do would be music to my ears.
7. Doctors who say “Call me if you have any questions” and then don’t call me back when I call them with a question.
I’ve had too many doctors tell me to call them and, when I call and leave a message at the receptionist desk or with their nurse, never get a call back. Please don’t ask me to call if you’re not going to call me back!
8. Doctors who ignore any health problem noted in my medical records unless it’s within their area of specialization.
The problem here is that my body isn’t divided into areas of specialization. If I’m prescribed a medication to treat one part of it, other parts are affected.
When I didn’t recover from that viral infection in 2001, to make it clear that I don’t just suffer from fatigue, my primary care doctor has put this diagnosis into my medical records, purposefully spelling out the letters: “CFIDS (Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome).”
When I see a specialist for a reason not related to this illness, he or she carefully goes over with me everything in my medical records: medications; allergies; prior surgeries and hospitalizations; blood work; MRIs and other tests. Everything, that is, but the diagnosis that’s been in my medical records since 2001: CFIDS (also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ME/CFS, and now, SEID).
In fact, sometime during the appointment, almost all of them tell me that I’m in excellent health. My husband and I sometimes count the number of times I’m told this at any given appointment. Then on the ride home, we share our frustration at how, with my excellent health in tow, I’m headed straight for the bed where I’ll be the rest of the day.
And so, despite being familiar with my medical records, doctors appear to be blind to an illness that has kept me virtually housebound, often bedbound, for over a decade. I know that other chronically ill people have had the same experience, especially if they suffer from little understood illnesses, such as fibromyalgia and some of the autoimmune diseases.
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Those are eight pet peeves about doctors. As I indicated at the beginning of this piece, I’m not including all doctors in these observations (certainly not my own primary care doctor). If you have any pet peeves to add, I hope you’ll leave them in a comment below.
© 2015 Toni Bernhard. Thank you for reading my work. I’m the author of four books:
How to Wake Up: Your Pocket Companion (for those who've read How to Be Sick and for those who haven't). May 2020
How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide (2015)
How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow (2013)
All of my books are available in audio format from Amazon, audible.com, and iTunes.
Visit www.tonibernhard.com for more information and buying options.
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