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Humor as Medicine: 20 Quotations about Health

Humorous thoughts on living with illness.

Source: Pixabay

I've been collecting humorous quotations about health for a while. Now that I have 20, I thought I'd share. I hope a good number of these tickle your funny bone.

The Search for Perfect Health

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain

"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben

"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz

"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx

Not to Worry

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason

"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben

"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain

"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin

"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell

The Medical Profession

"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great

"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck

"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn


"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen

"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." —Ellen DeGeneres

And Finally...

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry

"If your doctor's last name is Google, It's time to get a second opinion." —your authoress

© 2011 Toni Bernhard. Thank you for reading my work. I'm the author of three books:

How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers (Second Edition) 2018

How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide (2015)

How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow (2013)

All of my books are available in audio format from Amazon,, and iTunes.

Visit for more information and buying options.

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For more quotations on health, see my piece, "Make Good Medicine from the Suffering of Illness" and Other Quotations on Health.