Jenni Ogden Ph.D.

Trouble in Mind

Are Affairs Really Worth It?

Before embarking on an affair (or a marriage), read this book!

Posted Mar 02, 2013


The Mess of Infidelity

The Mess of Infidelity

Cover of "Vow"

So why is this sad tale so important? Aspects of it are only too common. Thousands of books are written about affairs. The difference is the way Wendy Plump writes about the way she felt, thought, behaved, wished she’d behaved, analysed and came to understand herself and the whole strange world of commitment and infidelity. In the process she shares many, many thought-provoking insights that have the power, I think, to give readers new ways to think about their own situations and lives, and even the lives of the “other” woman or man. She also has a few good pointers for therapists in her chapter on “The Efficacy of Therapy”.

Many readers might, at the end, decide that affairs are not worth it if their long-term relationship still has even a little ray of hope of being a content one. They might decide, if they are inclined to be lured by the excitement of new passion, that as soon as they feel that pull they need to take control and do whatever it takes to remove themselves from even the remote possibility of an affair. Of course, if their long-term relationship no longer gives either partner anything positive, it is probably time to part, but that is a whole different scenario. What becomes clear from this memoir is that even good marriages can be sidelined by the chemistry of passion with someone else. Nothing wrong with lots of exciting relationships; half your luck! But if what you want, deep down, is to share your life with someone, then perhaps it is worth sacrificing the chance of an exciting affair when the shared life with your Bill is getting a bit boring.

This is an easy read, extremely well written, and once you begin you won’t want to put it down, except perhaps to think about your own situation. It is not salacious; no Shades of Gray here. Any salaciousness (as in affairs) I suspect, will be in your own heads! Probably the best place for it if you want to have a satisfying long-term relationship, and one day dandle those grandkids on your joint knees.