How to Support Your Anxious Friends

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Millions of people struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. Living in a complex world, in addition to facing everyday stressors, can feel overwhelming. Tasks that may seem simple to others are difficult, and severe anxiety can cause mental paralysis that prevents you from functioning.

If you experience high levels of anxiety on a regular basis, you know what I mean. If you are not an anxious person, this information may surprise you. It may be hard for you to imagine that someone could be so anxious that they have trouble just getting through the day.

If that’s the case, this post may help you better understand how to support those around you living with this experience. The odds are that most of us know someone who struggles with severe anxiety that affects their ability to easily carry out a normal life. There are helpful ways to reach out to connect with people we care about, whether we experience anxiety or not.

Resist the urge to constantly reassure anxious people

Although people struggling with chronic anxiety may seek reassurance, providing it to them may not be the best way to help ease their anxiety. Research suggests that repeatedly assuring people that everything will work out or be okay creates a feedback loop in which an anxious person‘s brain craves more reassurance, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

Additionally, anxious people may feel cut off from expressing their feelings and concerns if others around them are too quick to reassure. Sometimes people want to hear that everything will be okay, but most of the time, they want to feel heard. There are better ways to support those struggling with anxiety than to give them a quick and concrete answer.

Validate how they are feeling, even if you can’t relate

If you don’t struggle with anxiety on a regular basis, it may be very hard for you to relate when someone is constantly worried, panicked, or scared. It may be hard to believe or even frustrating to hear.

Allowing people to express their concerns may help you better understand why their anxiety is challenging. Empathizing and validating does not mean that you agree with them. Your role in supporting them is to be a listener and to provide compassion. Most people with anxiety are not expecting others to resolve their feelings for them. Try making reflective statements like “that sounds really hard.“

Refrain from giving advice unless specifically asked

Most people talk about their anxiety, sadness, or pain to feel heard and understood. They generally are not seeking advice. If they are, it’s usually clear because they explicitly ask for advice, and then you can provide your opinion. If they aren’t asking what to do, they’re probably seeking compassion and emotional support. It’s difficult to hear advice from people who are not going through the same things that you are. It may invalidate their pain or make them feel as though you aren’t listening and trying to understand what they’re going through.

Spend time with them

Many people who struggle with chronic anxiety are also lonely. Their anxiety may prevent them from going out on their own and doing things they enjoy. Regardless of the reasons they are anxious, invite them to do things together as you always would. Let them know that what they are going through doesn’t affect your relationship. They may not come to every party you have or go to the movies every time you ask, but they still want to be invited. People want to feel included and wanted even when they are going through difficult times and they can’t always follow through.

It can be hard to know how to support people struggling with anxiety, especially if you feel like you’re trying to be supportive and it doesn’t feel appreciated. Making an effort to understand what they are going through is a good start. With practice, it will become easier to empathize and provide the support they’re seeking rather than what you think they need.