The Power of Desire to Heal Us

Money, right? That’s what most people would say when asked what they want. We want money.

OK, let’s say I could give you lots and lots of money; let’s say you win the lottery for $42 million. What are you going to do with it? You’ll probably save some, invest some, spend some on things you love—buy a car, a house, a boat, etc., pay off your bills, help out your kids, put Mom in an independent living center, maybe give some to charity. Right? So, after all those things are done, what do you have? When I’ve asked this question to groups of people, they usually answer that they finally have peace of mind. They’ve always wanted to just not have to worry about things, to have whatever they needed so that they could relax. So, that was what they really wanted. The money was just how they got there.

We often get the method mixed up with the outcome just like that. We want to take a walk so that we can have a little quiet and be in nature. We want to exercise so that we can feel good afterward. Sometimes we even want to do something for the pure joy of doing it.

But what do you want? Do you even know? Many times, we don’t know what we want because desire has been on the back burner all of our lives. We’ve been told and told that we should do this, that, and the other. We are obligated up to our ears with things that must be done. And this is our duty, right? This is how we gain respect and feel accomplished. Desire is selfish. Desire is frivolous. Desire is wasting time. So, we postpone desire until we have repressed it so far down in the unconscious that when we are asked what we want, we don’t even know.

Traversing the Inner Terrain

Source: Andrea Mathews

But did you know that fulfilling your own desires is a wonderful way to overcome depression and anxiety? Did you know that fulfilling your desires is a wonderful way of getting in touch with the authentic self? Did you know that fulfilling your desires is a pathway to peace of mind?

If all of that were true, would you be willing to do a little work to find out what you desire? OK, so try this. Take two hours on an off day and do nothing except what you want. But wait. Before you do that, you should know that we can get desire mixed up with compulsion, ego aggrandizement, and compensation. So, wanting another beer when you are an alcoholic is not desire; it is compulsion. Wanting to be the CEO of the richest company in the world because it makes you feel powerful is not a desire but ego aggrandizement. And wanting to be rich because you were so poor in childhood is not desire but compensation. So, we have to get clear on what desire is.

Desire is longing to do something because you love doing it. Desire brings you to a kind of innocent joy. Desire may even be a sacred connection to your deepest self. Usually when you fulfill a desire, you feel freer, more alive, more peaceful, or more grounded. Even if it is simple, like taking a walk, or sitting with your pet.

So, when I challenge you to consider taking two hours of your off day to do nothing but what you want; that’s what I’m talking about. If you spend that time trying to figure out what you want—that’s just some evidence that you are out of touch with desire and maybe even your authentic self. Keep practicing, and try some experiments to see if this or that is fulfilling. If you think you might want to do something, try it, and see if you feel some sense of joy doing it, or if it brings you some peace. If it doesn’t, try something else. There’s no failure here; it’s all just an attempt to get in touch with something real inside of you. If you don’t, you are no worse off than you were when you started, but if you do, a whole new world might open up for you as you begin to follow desire after desire.

What we are afraid of with desire is that we will become selfish people invested only in pleasing ourselves. But this denies the very natural desire called compassion. Compassion is a deep desire to do something for someone else because we care about them and wish them happiness and comfort. We forget that this desire also has the power to compel us to act.

We also forget that there are some jobs that we can love, some kinds of work we can do at home that we really enjoy. We forget that what might look like an obligation to someone else is really a deep desire and a fulfilling joy to us.

Ultimately, what fulfilling our desires has the capacity to do is change our lives. So, think about it. It might be worth a try.