If It Feels Off, It Probably Is: What Is Your Real Purpose?

Hands Macro Plant

Source: Pixaboy/Pexels

Have you ever had one of those moments when you just know something’s off, but you can’t quite figure out what it is? You’re not sure why, but there’s this deep feeling inside you that says, “This isn’t right. This isn’t me.”

It’s the kind of feeling that creeps up when you're at work, in your relationships, or even just going through your daily routine. And for the longest time, I couldn’t shake it. That nagging question—Who am I really?

Let me tell you, I’ve been there. In fact, I’ve spent a long time there. I used to ask myself the same thing. Who am I?

In my job, I felt like a shadow of the person I could be. I wasn’t alive—I was just surviving.

In my relationships, I often wondered if I was truly connected to the people I loved, or if I was just playing a part in a script I didn’t even write. And when I looked in the mirror, the reflection didn’t always match the person I imagined myself to be.

Back in 2014, I was living in Kazakhstan. I had a job I didn’t love, a life that didn’t feel like mine, and I was just kind of existing. My routine felt safe, sure, but it didn’t make me feel alive. One day, at work, I saw this colleague of mine. She was probably in her 50s—but she had this energy that was contagious. Every morning, she walked into the office with a smile that lit up the whole room. And she was so passionate about this hobby she had—handmade clothes, making beautiful designs by felting fabric. She even turned it into a new career.

I remember thinking, How does it feel to live your passion every single day? What was stopping me from doing something that made me come alive?

I felt this wave of frustration because I didn’t know how to answer those questions. In 2014, I had a good job, and I was comfortable, but my heart wasn’t in it. It didn’t light me up the way I saw her beaming with joy. But I was too stuck in my routine to even know how to change it.

But a year later, everything changed.

In 2015, I received this scholarship—which gave me the opportunity to study anywhere in the world. I chose San Diego in the United States, a place I had never been to. I was pregnant with my second child, and my first was only five years old. It was overwhelming. Terrifying, even. But there was something inside me that said, If you don’t take this chance, you’ll regret it.

So, I packed up my life and moved to the U.S. with my family. Suddenly, I was thrown into this whirlwind—learning a new language, adapting to a new culture, and trying to find my place in a foreign world. The whole experience was overwhelming but also exciting. I wasn’t focused on my “purpose” or happiness back then. I was just focused on surviving, on learning, on making sure everything worked.

Hands Macro Plant

Source: Pixaboy/Pexels

But deep down, I knew something was shifting inside me. I was on a path toward something more real, more me.

The years that followed were a blur. I moved to Miami, finished my master’s degree, then returned to Kazakhstan. I went through a painful divorce, but somehow, I felt like I was starting to rebuild. I was more independent than I had ever been before. I had a job, and my life was stable. But even though I had everything I needed, I still didn’t feel alive.

I realized something was missing—I wasn’t doing work that truly fulfilled me. I was financially independent, but I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t waking up excited for the day ahead.

And then, in 2020, I had a heart-to-heart with my mom. I remember sitting across from her, sipping tea, feeling a little defeated. I told her that I didn’t feel like what I was doing was truly me. It didn’t make me feel alive. She paused, then said, “Why don’t you reach out to your former professor from University of Miami? Ask if you can continue the research you started there… but as a PhD.”

I wasn’t sure. What if it was a dumb idea? But my mom’s belief in me was unwavering, so I sent an email. And the next day, I got a reply.

Turns out, my professor had moved to Texas, and the research I had done had received a grant, and there was now a PhD position available at their department.

I was in shock. This wasn’t something I had planned, not at all. In fact, I had never even considered pursuing a PhD. But here it was—an opportunity that came out of nowhere. And just like that, my life was about to shift again.

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In May 2022, just a couple months later, I received my acceptance letter to start the PhD program at the University of Texas. And just like that, my life was on a completely different track. I had one month to pack up my life, my kids, and move to Austin. I was overwhelmed, scared, and unsure how everything would work.

But you know what? I did it.

And today, I’m finally living the life I had always dreamed of. I wake up every day excited to dive into my work. I don’t even consider it work—it’s my lifestyle.

I feel a sense of purpose now that I never knew was possible.

So here’s my invitation to you: If you’re feeling like something’s off in your life, ask yourself: Why am I stuck? What’s one thing I can do today to move toward the life that feels real to me?

You don’t have to figure it all out in one go. But if something feels off, trust me—it probably is.

It’s not about having it all figured out. It’s about taking the next step toward something that feels true to who you are. Whether it’s your job, your relationships, or your health—don’t wait. You deserve a life that feels alive. You deserve to feel on fire about the work you’re doing and the people you’re surrounded by.

Take that first step today. It’s your time to thrive, not just survive.

Ask yourself: What’s one thing you can do today to bring your life more in line with who you really are?