Strengthening Your Mindfulness Muscle

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." —Victor Frankl

Are you feeling stuck ruminating on the past or worrying about the future? Imagine you have strengthened your mindfulness muscle to the point where you can gently guide your attention back to this moment. Want to start the build phase?

According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of mindfulness-based stress reduction, “Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally, in the service of self-understanding and wisdom.” Mindfulness is the practice of staying present with compassion and curiosity, beginning with neutral experiences like our breath, eventually building our practice so that we can present to life's most challenging emotions and respond with grace and courage.

Paying Attention, on Purpose, to the Present

Mindfulness practice helps us fully engage with life, noticing each moment as it happens. It involves developing psychological flexibility—the ability to shift our focus, whether it's inward, outward, broad, or specific. For example, if you're feeling overwhelmed, you might pay attention to your surroundings using your five senses. If you are managing the tension of the nervous crowd at the start line of a race you've trained for, you might focus on your inner vision for how you plan to run it. You can hone your attention like a laser beam, focusing on the sensation of air moving in and out of your nose, or you can broaden your awareness like a lantern, lighting up all of your internal and external experiences, and allowing them to flow through your awareness without judgment.

The Power of Nonjudgment

Think of the last time you told yourself, "I shouldn't feel this way," or asked yourself, "Why am I not happier?” Did this allow emotions to flow through you? Or did you get stuck? Our emotions only amplify when we respond with criticism or judgment. Approach your emotions with compassion, as you would a scared dog crouched in the corner of your limbic system. Notice with curiosity and kindness to each component of your emotions, including thoughts, sensations, and behavior urges.

In the Service of Self-Understanding and Wisdom

Mindfulness is not an end in itself but a means to an end; it’s about about growing in wisdom, and experiencing that space Frankl speaks of. Formal meditation is one way to practice mindfulness; you can practice mindfulness in any moment. The purpose of a mindfulness practice is to develop the ability to flexibly attend to different aspects of the present moment, so you can respond in ways that best honor your values.

Start Small and Build

Think of beginner mindfulness like lifting 5-pound weights. Start out bringing compassionate, curious awareness to your emotions when you're in a neutral mood. This is your warmup, preparing you for the heavier lifting to come.

Practice: Sit quietly and focus on your breath. Notice the air moving in and out of your nostrils, the rise and fall of your chest. If your attention wanders, gently guide it back. This is your foundation, the beginning of a compassionate, curious journey with yourself.

Leveling Up

As you get comfortable, you move on to 10-pound weights—bringing that same compassionate awareness to emotions you induce. This is your training ground, where you start to feel the burn.

Practice: Choose a song that brings up strong emotions. As you listen, observe your thoughts, body sensations, and behavior urges, without having to change anything.

Mastering Mindfulness

As our practice develops we will be able to stay mindful in increasingly distressing emotional situations we find ourselves in, real-time. This is hard. It's not an overnight achievement but a result of consistent practice in the easier moments. Just as every surfer has come across a wave they didn't yet have the skills to surf, we all find ourselves in situations where we become overwhelmed and don't stay present. Yet. As we develop our practice, we find ourselves experiencing more choice, and find ourselves responding instead of reacting in more and more situations.

Practice: Sit with a difficult question, or an emotion you want to avoid, and practice RAIN (recognize, allow, investigate, nurture) meditation.

How will you get your reps in?