Openness, Awareness, and Engagement at the Holidays

ACT for the Holidays!

As the holiday season unfolds, many of us find ourselves caught in a whirlwind of expectations, emotions, and the inevitable stress that accompanies this time of year. It's a period that challenges our resilience and, often, our sense of self. Enter acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), an evidence-based psychotherapy that offers a unique approach to navigating life's complexities, including the holiday season. ACT is grounded in the belief that true fulfillment comes from living a values-driven life, rather than a life in avoidance of discomfort. This therapy emphasizes the importance of accepting what is out of our personal control while committing to actions that enrich our lives and align with our deepest values. Through the lens of ACT, we're invited to explore the holiday season not as a series of hurdles to overcome, but as an opportunity for genuine growth, connection, and joy.

Embrace the Season With Mindfulness and Values

As the holiday season approaches, it's common to experience a mix of anticipation and apprehension. Whether it's the thought of family gatherings, the pressure of gift-giving, or simply the change in routine, it's a time filled with potential stressors and joys. But what if we could approach this holiday season differently? What if we could navigate Thanksgiving with a sense of openness, awareness, and engagement, grounded in our core values?

Reflect on Your Holiday Concerns

How concerned are you about the upcoming holidays on a scale from 0 to 10? Consider the effort you're putting into managing your emotions. Are you trying to suppress anxiety, stress, or depression? It's crucial to recognize these efforts and their impact on your holiday experience. Perhaps this year you can join the rest of us struggling humans in acknowledging these difficult feelings with compassion—you neither uniquely deserve to feel this way, nor are you exempt. We are all showing up to holidays that are not quite Norman Rockwell. Perhaps this year, you can commit to a meaningful holiday—even if not pain-free.

Envision Your Ideal Holiday

Imagine a future where every holiday mirrors the one you're anticipating. Does this vision align with a vital, lively, and fulfilled lifestyle? Identifying the gaps can help you understand what's missing and what values you might be neglecting. How could you infuse a little of your special magic? Maybe by asking an open-ended question you are curious about or offering the literal best dessert on the planet to the gathering? Maybe you know someone who is usually left out and needs your careful attendance. So? Do what you know how to do!

Confronting Holiday "Shoulds"

List all your holiday "shoulds" and reframe them as "My mind is telling me..." statements. This exercise (called "defusion" in ACT) isn't about challenging your thoughts but understanding them as just thoughts. Appreciating your mind's rules can create distance from these "shoulds," allowing you to see them for what they are.

Embrace Acceptance

Acceptance is about embracing the present moment as it is, not as we wish it to be. It's an active process that doesn't equate to giving up but rather opening up to new possibilities. When faced with painful thoughts or feelings, reminders from the past, or tensions that are all too familiar, ask yourself if accepting them could lead to a more fulfilling holiday experience. Knowing that these experiences might show up, how do you want to dance with them?

Stay Present

Incorporate daily mindfulness practices, such as diaphragmatic breathing or physical activity, to stay grounded in the present moment. This can help you navigate the holiday season with a clearer mind and a calmer heart. Also—you get to eat slow and taste every bite. Why not? Maybe you wear some comfortable clothes so your waistline doesn't bug you after you eat too much! Allow yourself to be in your body—sights, sounds, smells, tastes, felt sense—what is new there that you can enjoy?

Explore Self-as-Context

Write a short story about why this Thanksgiving might be challenging, focusing only on the facts. Then, rewrite the story with a different theme and ending, emphasizing growth and opportunity. This exercise can help you gain flexibility in how you view your holiday experience. Same facts—different self-story. Hero? Victim? Friend? Lover? Bad kid? Good kid? Compassionate human? Who do you want to show up as? How might you try on a new role?

Clarify Your Values

What values do you want to honor this holiday season? Identifying these can guide your actions and decisions, ensuring they align with what truly matters to you. Finish the sentence, "The things I value about the holidays are..." and let these values shape your holiday plans.

Commit to Action

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Set reasonable goals based on your top values and create a plan to achieve them. Whether it's spreading out family visits or dedicating time to a cherished holiday ritual, ensure your actions reflect your values. When you do this, see if you can release your grip on outcomes and attend to the process. When you commit to valued actions, it may or may not be received well. I am thinking of a time I sacrificed to buy a gift for a loved one I could not wait to give them—only to have them not like it. While that didn't feel great, when I remembered the love behind my sacrifice, I could still feel good about it.

Conclusion: A Season of Growth and Gratitude

This holiday season, challenge yourself to grow, deepen your relationships, and practice gratitude. By embracing acceptance, staying present, and acting in accordance with your values, you can experience a Thanksgiving that's not only meaningful but also transformative.