Becoming Psychologically Flexible

Psychological flexibility can be thought of as the amount of “stretch” in our thinking. This "stretch" allows us to respond to situations—especially challenging ones—in ways that line up with our values. Psychological flexibility involves being able to take perspective, stay open to our emotions (instead of immediately trying to get away from them), notice our stories without having to believe them, and respond in new ways. Psychological flexibility is associated with self-control, self-regulation, hope, and grit.

Psychological inflexibility is associated with depression, anxiety, stress, substance abuse, negative body image, disordered eating, pain catastrophizing, thought suppression, job burnout, and work absenteeism, while psychological flexibility is associated with self‐compassion, job performance and satisfaction, and overall well‐being (Doorley, et al, 2020). (If you are interested in assessing your psychological flexibility, you can here.)

Before you consider working on your psychological flexibility, consider: What are the benefits to rigidity? Our rigid “survival system” operates automatically and quickly, with little or no effort. In the military and other contexts where an immediate response now is the difference between life or death, rigidity is trained! Automating, routinizing, biasing, training certain responses is often efficient and sometimes saves lives.

When in the last two weeks was your survival reaction helpful? When has your survival reaction saved your life? When has your survival reaction caused harm?

A major problem with our survival reaction is that these automatic behaviors may have been trained in a context that no longer exists (like your family of origin, boot camp, or war). You could be “fighting for your life” when reminded of a threat–but that threat isn’t there anymore.

Psychological flexibility involves being able to go back and forth between our survival reactions and more thoughtful responses honoring our values.

How do we "stretch"?

• Develop sensitivity to context: As you learn to notice your surroundings and circumstances you find yourself in, you begin to differentiate between situations where an identified threat is present, and situations that are reminding you of an old threat that is no longer present!
• Develop metacognition: This is the skill of being able to step back from our thoughts and notice them, rather than immediately acting on them. It is the difference between the thought, “That guy is a jerk!” and “My mind is telling me that guy is a jerk!”
• Reflect on places in your life where you want to honor your values, and make a plan to counter your survival behavior: For example, if you know that you rigidly avoid social events because you learned to protect yourself from the pain of social rejection, proactively plan to face this avoided experience. Pick a situation that is important to you, and five out of 10 anxiety-provoking (meaning, you can see yourself coping in the situation with mild to moderate difficulty). Thoughtfully work through problems you might encounter (“If ____ happens, then I will _____”). Plan a situation you are 80% sure you will accomplish. As you take on the challenge, take in the new learning. You are not only able to do this new behavior, you might also be enjoying some aspect of the situation! As you take on these new challenges, and allow yourself to take in new learning, little by little you will build that flex!

Reflect on your experiences with rigidity and flexibility. When has each served you, and how might increasing your psychological flexibility enhance your life? What are you willing to do to build psychological flexibility?