As Christmas draws close and the holiday season is motored into full swing, I find myself reflecting on what the time of year means to us, what it meant to us, what it could mean to others and what it should ultimately mean. Let’s be real about this from the start — Christmas is a stressful time of year. Whether or not you have loved ones near; whether or not you have a secure means of financing gift-giving; or whether or not you have to balance a work schedule during the ‘traditional’ Christmas break, if you’re an adult, it’s stressful. Unfortunately, ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ is anything but that for many.
Growing up in New York, the most stressful thing about Christmas was making it until the final bell of class before the holiday break. In the lead-up to the big day, my mother would have sprinkled sugar cookies and brownies on the go and I’d be watching television — probably A Christmas Story or The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (the old favorites). My grandmother would come over and stay with my parents and me for a week and there would be enough food in the house to feed a small army. Non-alcoholic eggnog would be flooding out my eyes. We had an eight-foot tree, with every gap underneath it filled with presents. Ninja Turtles, Wrestlers, sports paraphernalia, and CDs were among my most recalled presents, opened just around the stroke of midnight as Christmas morning broke. It was always a special time — times I recall fondly.
Since then, my family and I have moved to Ireland. My favorite Christmas films aren’t really big here. Eggnog isn’t really a thing here either, though I make my own (with a drop of whiskey now as well). Things are different here — not just because of the setting, but due to time as well. My parents have since retired and I’m married, so the dynamics of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day have changed. But change isn’t necessarily bad. I often speak about how people avoid change in this blog, but it’s important to remember that change is good — it’s adaptive. My family has adapted and we’ve developed new traditions. I’m sure in years to come, I will reflect fondly on them too.
However, one thing about Christmas that has changed for me over the years, as I mentioned in the opening, is that it’s now stressful. It’s stressful for a number of reasons; some of which may be for the same reasons as you, some not. But the process, it’s the same. For example, things like finding the time to go shopping, having the finances to buy gifts, accommodating family or having to travel — these are all potential stressors — or the stimuli that start off the stress process. On the other hand, there are stress responses; for example, low energy, headaches, insomnia, irritability or worry (to name only a few). Stressors and their responses are part of a process.
Much like that, when I deliver talks on Stress Management, I discuss stress as a subjective process; and importantly, that an event is only stressful if it appraised as such. The manner in which people appraise events as stressful depends quite a bit on the nature of the situation. For example, if you like your in-laws, then their visit at Christmas might not be as stressful as it might be for those who don’t like their in-laws. However, appraisal also depends on how well adaptive people are to stressful situations.
Coping is one such means of adaptation. Of course, there are maladaptive coping strategies, but if we truly reflect on the process of stress — the source, the process, and its outcomes, then we can develop any number of cognitive, behavioral or problem-focused coping strategies that allow us to battle stress. For example, reframing; cost-benefit analysis; positive thinking or challenging negative thinking; visualization techniques; attempting to reduce uncertainty; social support; time management; and exercise are only just a handful of thoughts and actions that can help. Even simply keeping perspective might yield a positive outcome. I make particular reference to ‘keeping perspective’ here because I think it is an especially relevant strategy for coping with stress during this time of year.
My family’s move to Ireland has meant the phasing out of many American traditions. The ‘official’ celebration of Thanksgiving is, unfortunately, one those traditions. As the name suggests, it is a day of giving thanks for what you have. Though people may vary in what they ‘have,’ we all have something for which to be thankful. Even though we don’t officially celebrate this day in November anymore, my family celebrates its core purpose at Christmas. We give thanks for what we have and what we receive. To facilitate this, it’s important to keep perspective. When under stress, it is easy to lose perspective; things can seem insurmountable. Instead, we need to focus on the good things when we are stressed — the things for which we should be thankful.
Growing up, I often heard the phrase, wake up and smell the roses, which was more often than not used in the context of ‘don’t be naïve’. However, as I’m older, I know the phrase to also mean to appreciate what's in front of me, the simple things, the things that make me happy and the things for which I should be thankful. So, if you’re feeling stressed about anything over the holidays, reflect on a time when things weren’t so stressful — much like I do with my childhood Christmas memories — and think about what made you happy then and what makes you happy now. Keep perspective and adapt. Be thankful.
