Does Having More Sex Make Couples Happier?

All too often, in movies and television, we see a scenario in which one romantic partner is dissatisfied with the sexual frequency in the relationship. This is not a happy individual—but if they were having more sex in the relationship, the story suggests, they would be happy. They would not have to consider ending the relationship or looking elsewhere for sex.

This isn't just a Hollywood storyline vehicle, of course; in real life, partners can be dissatisfied with the amount of sexual activity in the relationship. But would they actually be happier if they had more sex with their partner? In other words, does an increase in sexual frequency increase one's perceived happiness?

This has been a topic of interest in sociological, psychological, and sexual wellness research. What does the research have to say about this topic?

The Evidence in Favor: More Sex, More Happiness

Some studies do report a positive link between sexual frequency and happiness. Using a sample of 16,000 adults, Blanchflower and Oswald (2004) found that individuals who reported higher rates of sexual frequency also reported higher levels of perceived life satisfaction. They found that even shifting sexual activity from once a month to once a week could reduce stress, strengthen partner bonds, and produce greater success in other avenues of life outside the house, such as success at work.

In support of the work of Blanchflower and Oswald, a study by Muise, Schimmack, and Impett (2016) examined data from over 25,000 participants across multiple datasets. They found a relationship between sexual frequency, happiness, and well-being. Increasing sex to once a week produced positive results.

However, additional increases did not lead to a greater effect. This suggests that moderate increases in sexual frequency may enhance perceived happiness, particularly for couples in committed relationships.

Finally, Meltzer et al. (2017) found that couples who engaged in more frequent sex reported higher marital satisfaction, which correlated with greater overall happiness in life. They noted that sexual activity fosters emotional closeness, which, with increased frequency, may amplify positive effects and contribute to a sense of life fulfillment.

Counterpoint: Other Research Finds an Opposite Effect

Loewenstein et al. (2015) moved beyond research examining positive correlations between sexual frequency and perceived happiness and examined whether there was a causal increase in happiness. They asked couples to change the sexual patterns in their relationship. Randomly, half the couples were asked to double their sexual frequency.

The authors’ findings concluded that increased sexual frequency did not lead to an increase in happiness. One explanation they formed was that increased sexual frequency may have produced a decrease in the wanting and enjoyment of sex.

Schoenfeld et al. (2017) found that it was sexual satisfaction, rather than sexual frequency alone, that was a stronger predictor of happiness. Participants with more fulfilling, but fewer, sexual encounters tended to report higher levels of happiness and well-being than those participants who experienced more frequent, but more unfulfilling, sexual encounters.

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Are We Asking the Right Question?

I’m not certain that we are asking the right questions when it comes to happiness and sexual frequency. Even when the findings of research studies suggest a positive correlation, context matters significantly.

As always, it is important to remember that correlation does not imply causation. It's unlikely that sexual frequency would uniformly lead to happiness across all individuals or relationships, for a few compelling reasons.

The quality of sexual interactions, for instance, can outweigh quantity. Happier individuals may naturally engage in more sexual activity, rather than increased frequency causing happiness. Positive life events, such as job promotions and increased income, may lead to higher sexual frequency, which suggests that happiness may drive sexual behavior rather than the reverse.

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Cultural and societal factors further complicate the picture. In societies where sexual activity is stigmatized or tied to rigid social expectations, increased frequency might not translate to happiness. Women in certain cultural contexts, for example, may face pressure to meet partners’ sexual demands, which could lead to stress and reduced emotional well-being rather than feelings of happiness.

What Should We Be Thinking About Instead?

We need to be asking many more questions. For instance, what are the underlying factors involved in a decrease in sexual frequency? Is there an overall dissatisfaction with sexual performance? Are there extenuating relationship issues, such as an emotional disconnection, loss of trust, or boredom?

What about lifestyle choices that contribute to a decrease in frequency, such as work stress or financial and family problems? Is aging contributing to the decrease? Are there physical health issues, hormonal shifts, or mental health challenges?

This list could be considerably extended, but it’s fair to say that simply increasing the number of times you and your partner have sex will probably not solve the underlying issues and, therefore, not increase happiness or life satisfaction.

Furthermore, the focus on partnered sexual activity in much of the research overlooks single individuals or those in non-traditional relationships. Solo sexual activity, such as masturbation, may also contribute to happiness. Brody (2010) found that masturbation frequency correlated with improved mood in some individuals. This would indicate that sexual frequency’s impact on happiness extends beyond partnered contexts.

What Couples Can Do Now

So, will having more sex make you and your partner happier? There is no easy answer.

An increase in sexual frequency may lead to a perceived increase in happiness, particularly when it occurs in the context of satisfying, consensual, and emotionally fulfilling relationships. Studies indicate that moderate frequency, around once a week, may optimize well-being for some couples, driven by biological, emotional, and relational benefits.

However, the effect is not universal, as individual desires, relationship quality, health, and cultural norms play critical roles. Forcing increased frequency without mutual desire may even reduce happiness. The link between sexual frequency and happiness underscores the importance of aligning sexual activity with personal and relational authenticity.

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