Leslie Sokol

Leslie Sokol Ph.D.

Think Confident, Be Confident

Stress Free Dating Equals Fun

Dating is an opportunity to connect to other people.

Posted Apr 13, 2011

Dating is an opportunity to connect with other people. Why connect? Think of it as a time you can put your "to do" list aside and take a break. See it as a chance to go somewhere you've wanted to check out or a means to get some fresh air and sunshine. It can be a break from your routine and add some excitement into your day. It is an important step if having a significant other in your life is your desire. Don't make the date stressful by demanding results. It doesn't have to matter how much the person likes you or you like them or if there will be another date, if you let dating be the goal. You triumph when you accept that being on the date is the accomplishment rather than how you feel or what you gain.

Dating becomes stressful when we let it activate our insecurity. Instead of questioning your desirability and fearing an outcome you won't like, walk into your next date stress free and confident. Here's how:

1. Know you have something to offer a relationship by reminding yourself of all the things you have going for yourself. Instead of focusing on specific thing you don't like or think you are missing, see yourself as a whole package. Notice your assets and make a list of them before you head out. Think about all your characteristics, including your physical assets, personality, sense of humor, athletic or musical ability, interests, experiences, and skills, to name a few.

2. Bring the attitude that you like you, and your confidence will attract others. Know that inner confidence shows on the outside. Stand up straight, look people in the eye, smile, and add a little swagger to your walk and show the world that whether they want to hang with you or not, you have it going for you.

3. Remember we all have something to offer on a date: companionship, conversation, an ear, knowledge, attention, nurturance, information or a multitude of other things.

4. Bring a positive opinion of yourself by reflecting on real facts. Make a list of all the compliments you have received recently, the accomplishments you achieved, or things you do that you value. Be careful not to let feelings of insecurity creep in. Our feelings, though sometimes valid, are often emotionally biased misperceptions of truth. Back up your feeling with the objective truth or the facts.

5. Most importantly, let the world see the real you. Bear in mind, no one is perfect. Be real and you be able to relax and have a good time.