COVID-19: Will You Feel Guilty That You Did Nothing?

My father was my first and my greatest hero He didn’t fight in any wars. He didn’t create any inventions . He wasn’t even well educated Back in the days when he was young (just past the turn of the last “last” century), graduating from the sixth grade was an accomplishment in his family of two immigrant parents and five children .

But he was the kind of hero who stood up to injustice and he could be depended upon in most crises. He raised his family with love and devotion. He began as a jewelery polisher in Steeplechase in Coney Island, and ultimately opened an antique business in Greenwich Village, where I grew up.

One of my strongest memories of my father was how he would regularly regale about how, during World War II he and several of his Jewish friends would head up to Yorkville (then called Germantown) to confront, often physically, members of the pro-Nazi American German Bund Party. These were virulently anti-Semitic individuals,and my father felt a moral obligation to challenge and expose them whenever possible.

Those stories told with such pride had a lasting impact on me. Throughout my life I have often wondered about the psychological consequences incurred by individuals who do not take some proactive posture during a crisis that may have a direct impact on their lives. Do they feel guilty that they could have done more? Does their self-esteem suffer?

On the other hand, are they able to justify inaction or indifference through any one of a number of creative excuses and denials: “There is nothing significant that I can do” ”It will all blow over” ”It’s not as serious as they are making it seem.” Certainly the history of our world is replete with the dire consequences of individuals looking away.

I remember how I convinced myself to not attend the major Vietnam War protests. As a Ph.D. graduate student at a midwestern university, how could I interrupt my studies when I was draft-deferred anyway? I have deeply regretted that decision ever since.

When the World Trade Center was attacked, I felt I was given an opportunity as a psychologist to protest in a different way. I spent several days and nights at Ground Zero under the auspices of the Red Cross. I counseled workers as they took a break from the “pit,” supervised a telephone hotline, and guided frightened downtown residents to seek the government help they needed.

My proactive responses during our country's greatest trauma (until now) are surely the most profoundly important and satisfying I have ever had. And any lingering doubts about my worthiness or relevance in the world were quickly doused.

Now that our world has been turned upside down by the coronavirus, the deep feeling of helplessness and loss of control is pervasive. Feeling in control of important elements in our lives is crucial for emotional stability. The ability to regain a sense of control during this pandemic must be one of the most important goals we need to set for our patients.

So I find myself once again intrigued by the importance of personal action and responsibility in the shadow of a truly existential crisis. Isn’t that a key to minimizing helplessness and reasserting a sense of control? Shall we all find a way to feel heroic or at least relevant during this health emergency?

Yet when we observe all of the emergency health workers as well as other essential workers, risking their lives to save and serve others, it might seem that proactive behaviors by a single “nonessential” individual is trivial at best. This wrongheaded idea must be challenged.

It appears from both anecdotal as well as news reports that numerous Americans are pitching in to help others with food, supplies, and other forms of assistance. Given this great outpouring of help from fellow citizens, I wonder if we who are mental health professionals have a responsibility to urge our patients to pitch in as well.

The greatest complaints of our patients during this lockdown are boredom, sadness, anxiety, and a sense of loss of personal identity. Before the pandemic, we defined ourselves largely on how we earned a living, the excitement and sense of aliveness that our relationships brought us, and for some of us, our charitable activities. For many of our patients, these mood-lifting life activities are completely or partially unavailable.

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If our patients do not explore ways of contributing to or supporting the effort to defeat this pandemic, how might they feel about themselves after it finally subsides? Simple acts like wearing masks and gloves and social distancing when appropriate are a beginning. Contributing food, money, and support to social service groups are important as well. Supporting those news organizations that present factual, scientifically based information and challenging those that pander in rumor and emotionally or politically based misinformation is crucial. Volunteering to safely reach out to neighbors who may be lonely or frightened is vitally important.

But perhaps most important in our patients' efforts to become relevant in fighting the pandemic will be their commitment to self-care. During this pause, controlling weight and keeping fit will deny the pandemic potential victims. Of course, as the scientists continue to struggle to develop drugs or vaccines, the most profound contribution one could make would be to become a volunteer subject in one of numerous trials looking for the magic bullet.

It is my strong belief that as we urge our patients to be more heroic during this health crisis, we will be helping them to amp up their feelings of relevance now and insuring that they will never have to regret looking away in the years to come. When their children and grandchildren ask them “What did you do during the great pandemic of 2020?", they will be able to answer with pride and self-worth “I did something."