5 Ways to Thrive in Midlife

Source: Kelly Newton Unsplash

Last night, I sat in the audience and watched my adult daughter and about 40 others in a musical production that was pure joy for both the audience and the cast. The catch of it was that they had only two days to learn their parts, rehearse, and pull the whole thing off! (They only found out what show they were doing when they arrived at 9:00 am Saturday. The show went up Sunday night.)

Besides the amazing performance itself that truly stunned the audience, what stood out to me was the energy, excitement, enthusiasm, joy, fun, and whole-heartedness that emanated from each person on the stage. They had a blast, and we (the audience) felt it!

This got me thinking about the importance of certain qualities that we can lose touch with in mid-life, qualities that are so important to our well-being and ability to thrive. What I saw on stage — playfulness, presence, creative expression, connection, and joy — are key ingredients for thriving and flourishing (especially as we age).

Thriving versus just getting by

So many of us can feel like we are just getting by. Life is filled with challenges, and it’s easy to get caught in cycles of stress, automaticity, worry, overwhelm, disconnection, and sometimes shut down. That’s our nervous system letting us know we need to recharge. It's our nervous system on overdrive, locked in a survival response (fight, flight, freeze). While it's normal to be in this state some of the time, many of us can get stuck here without having ways to reset, without coming back into regulation and balance.

When we cultivate each of the qualities below (and we can do so at any age and without changing our life circumstances!), we help our nervous system replenish, and we create the conditions for thriving. Thriving is not a one-and-done place to arrive at, but a continual practice of connecting with inner qualities that support our well-being. Here are five that can make a real impact:

Five qualities that support thriving

1. Playfulness: While play is an innate quality in children, we often lose touch with the quality of playfulness in our adult lives. Yet playfulness is related to a positive outlook in life and can help with stress and promote thriving in adulthood.

What do (and can) you do in your week that is playful? While some adults find play through formal games or organized sports, playfulness can be found in small moments like walking barefoot in the grass, breaking out in dance when no one is looking, or getting down on the floor with your kids or grandkids and following their lead.

2. Presence: Research shows that when we are present, engaging our minds and bodies on what is in front of us, we are happier than when we are on autopilot and in mind-wandering mode. Presence is a quality that can be cultivated through the practice of mindfulness meditation, but we can also practice it by being intentional as we move through our day.

Whenever you think of it, ask yourself, “What am I doing right now, and can I bring my full attention to it?” You might also create opportunities for practicing presence by naming for yourself in advance your intention to be present and engaging as many of your senses as possible. For example, "For the next five minutes I’m going to be as present as possible with my partner, or while I’m going for a walk, or while watering the plants." Notice how this impacts your mood.

3. Creativity: Research supports a strong connection between creativity and subjective well-being. We all have a unique spark of creative expression. When we can plug into that like a power source, it lights us up.

For some, this may happen through art, music, building or creating with one’s hands, inventing, coming up with new ideas, writing, etc. It need not be anything momentous. It could be as simple as getting creative with your cooking, coming up with a creative gift idea for a family member, or writing a few inspirational lines in a journal. Little moments over time begin to create more lasting inward shifts.

4. Connection: Social connection is vitally important for health, well-being, and longevity. Everyone has different needs for social connection and different ways they may satisfy this.

Ask yourself what kinds of social connection do you find most energizing? Is it one-on-one, in small groups, being around a lot of people, with new people or those you know well, being in connection with community, family, friends, activities? Also, what amount of solitude is replenishing for you, and what helps you feel connected with yourself (spending time reading, in nature, in silence, with music that moves you, etc.)?

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5. Joy: Not surprisingly, research on joy suggests it plays an essential role in our well-being and our health. I think of joy as an emotion that arises spontaneously when we are doing something for its own sake (not striving for an outcome) that is aligned with something we deeply enjoy or care about.

Source: Image by takuanokaka from Pixabay

Take notice of moments of joy in your week. Where do these spring from? Look for opportunities to cultivate joy. Some find joy in movement and in nature; others may find joy through music, connecting with loved ones, or doing something deeply meaningful.

Thriving in mid-life isn't necessarily about changing your life circumstances. It's about connecting with inner qualities you may have lost touch with, ones that support your well-being, help your nervous system replenish, and help you feel enlivened. While small, individual moments may not feel significant, over time and with consistency, they can become the drops of water that fill our well of well-being and nourish us.

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