Is There a Right Way to Hold Space for Someone in Crisis?

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Life seems to be full of tragedy, heartache, and challenges these days—not just for us but also our family, friends, and others we care about. A quick scroll through a social media feed reveals the various struggles people are going through. Whether more turmoil is happening now compared to past years is a matter of debate, but as someone who has faced their share of life’s difficulties, I often wonder about the best way to support someone in crisis.

Recently, my own family experienced a one-two punch: we had to say goodbye to our beloved dog of 15 years, and then my spouse was unexpectedly laid off, despite having great success with their company. While I haven’t shared this job news with many people, I’ll admit that I get frustrated when someone I did share the news with sends me a funny meme as a way to offer support or says, “You’ve been through this before.” These gestures, while well-intentioned, aren’t helpful. This is when I realized that sometimes we talk when we should be silent. I've done this myself with friends in turmoil. It’s as if we feel the need to fill the silence of someone’s suffering to make ourselves feel better.

The concept of "holding space" refers to creating a compassionate and nonjudgmental environment in which someone feels safe enough to share their emotions. It involves being fully present, actively listening, and offering support without trying to solve problems or minimize feelings. While the term is now commonly associated with counseling and wellness, "holding space" doesn’t have a solely academic origin. Similar approaches can be found in Carl Rogers' person-centered therapy, which emphasizes unconditional positive regard, empathy, and active listening—principles that align closely with holding space.

“Holding space” as a go-to has been popularized by therapists, life coaches, and authors—including Heather Plett, who wrote about the concept in a 2015 article, What It Means to “Hold Space” for Other People and How to Do It Well. Plett suggests giving people permission to trust their own wisdom, refraining from taking away their power and leaving the decision-making to them, allowing them to feel safe enough to fail, and letting them handle things in their own way—even if it's different from how we might approach the same kind of circumstance.

Similarly, research in the field of emotion regulation suggests that when individuals are given space to experience their emotions without pressure to "move on" or "get over it," they are more likely to engage in healthier coping mechanisms and recover more fully over time. And a study published in Personal Relationships found that greater empathy is associated with more frequent support exchanges among older adults. By simply creating an environment in which someone feels seen and heard, we empower them to take ownership of their emotional experience, which is often the first step toward healing.

While evidence-based studies on ineffective "holding space" practices are scarce, experts stress that it's crucial not to minimize or dismiss the initial emotional impact someone is experiencing. In crisis situations, a person’s emotional reality is valid, and providing space for that experience can be essential for healing.

As a personal rule, I try never to offer advice that could be read on a bumper sticker, thinking it might come across as trite or thoughtless. Often when someone is feeling the initial impact of loss or fear, a clever phrase or edict might not be as helpful as a simple, “I hear you. That’s really tough.” Or the same thing we can say to ourselves with compassion, understanding, hope: “This, too, shall pass.” (Oops. There I go with the bumper sticker-speak again.)

Ultimately, holding space for someone in crisis isn’t about having the perfect words or offering immediate solutions; it’s about showing up with compassion, patience, and presence. It’s allowing others the space to feel their emotions without judgment or a rush to fix things. Sometimes, the most meaningful thing we can do is listen—without trying to diminish their experience or offer advice that wasn’t asked for.

As we navigate challenges, both for ourselves and those we care about, we can create environments in which people feel safe enough to express their pain, confusion, or fear. The next time someone close to you faces a crisis, pause before offering a quick fix. Instead, ask yourself: How can I hold space for them in a way that allows them to truly feel feel heard and supported? Sometimes, that quiet presence is the most powerful gift we can offer.