Finding True Love - Profiles in Persistance
Being a matchmaker is almost like being a therapist. Almost.
Posted February 21, 2018
As a therapist I am always curious. It was in just such an inquisitive moment that I had the privilege to meet two ladies (incidentally, known as “The Ladies” by their clients) Liz Murad-Waters and Linda Murad. As they will tell anyone, they are cousins by marriage, however in their presence it is evident that their connection is deeper and they are more in sync than that, a true balance, if you will.
Liz and Linda are traditional matchmakers, which today is somewhat untraditional. Facing the daunting task of building a matchmaking business and dealing with the unique personalities and situations that arise made these two great candidates for my second segment of “Personalities of Perseverance."
Ok. So I’m a therapist, and I can tell you first hand that you have to want to be in my field to really make it. Some of us come with baggage, some with drive, most with a dose of both. But it’s truly a calling.
I find it fascinating that you both chose to leave lucrative careers later in life to help folks find true love.
What drove you to pursue such an endeavor?
I got into matchmaking because I love to connect people. It can be like a puzzle to see how/if two people would be good together. Nothing makes me happier than when we set people up and they have a great date!
So it would appear that perhaps this kind of work is exciting because of the rewarding nature at the end? The giving back?
Can you give an example of such a payoff?
My favorite success story is a couple who almost didn’t meet. We had arranged a date for a longtime male client with a brand new female client.
We confirmed with him the day before and thought we had confirmed with her. He went to the meeting place and she was a no-show. He texted to let us know that she wasn’t there and when we looked back through our texts, we realized we had forgotten to confirm with her.
Fortunately, he had worked with us for a year and vouched for us, and she agreed to meet him the next night.
Five months later, they got married!
That’s incredible! So I guess there’s a level of perseverance necessary not only for the matchmakers but also for your clients. It can’t be easy sticking to something until you see results.
With this kind of work, and with so many different types of people and personalities, and really so much history and so much on the line, how do you know if someone is really ready for the matchmaking process?
You know when someone is ready to be in a traditional/successful relationship when their expectations are reasonable and make sense. Nobody is perfect but even with flaws they can be almost perfect for you!
We know someone is a good candidate for our service when they come to us with an open mind and heart.
They might say they are looking for someone with a great sense of humor, very intelligent, nurturing, loyal, and they might also say a few extra pounds are ok or they can be in a realistic height and age range.
Not only should you be attracted to the person physically but more importantly, you should be attracted to the person emotionally and intellectually! Sometimes I think a first and 2ndDate should be in the dark. This way you would see if you are attracted to your dates soul verses their physical appearance. Unfortunately, looks fade! Fortunately, under the right circumstance, your soul can only get better!
If someone shows a genuine interest in us, that is also a good sign because usually it means they will be interested in learning about their date.
So it really is a process to align the inner desires and expectations with the process and committing to yourself and your future to find that special someone.
Since we have established that perfection is relative, in your mind, what makes the “perfect” guy or girl?
The perfect guy to me, is someone who loves and likes me for who I am. He is in it for the long haul!
We share similar hopes and dreams for now and the future, He has a good relationship with his family and is always a gentleman.
He doesn’t have a roving eye, does not abuse alcohol or drugs, doesn’t live above his means, is generous and will always have my back as I would his.
Ha! That seems reasonable enough. Good stuff.
Conversely I guess, and perhaps often not as obvious, what are some things to watch out for?
Red flags to look for when dating someone new? First of all, the person that you are dating needs to be over his or her ex. A roving eye is a no no, ridiculous expectations are not acceptable, controlling normally gets worse, being jealous is not becoming, if someone tries to mold you into someone else that’s not good, being rude to others is a red flag and drinking in excess or doing drugs is not ok.
Your special someone is out there! If you haven’t found your significant other yet, you are probably just looking in the wrong places!
Whew! That was a lot. Im guessing it comes from experience with guiding your clients. It sounds like you not only advocate for and connect your clients but also provide advice and coaching.
What’s one piece of advice you would give someone who is looking to find love in a modern world?
You have to be in it to win it! Don’t just sit at home and look at the computer and play with your phone. Find things outside of your home that interest you. The farmers market, join different kinds of groups, take classes, take your dog to the dog park, travel.....Enjoy expanding your horizons!!! If you like you then everybody likes you!
Thank you both for taking the time to talk to me.
We are "The Second Date". It's always that hurdle that you have to get over to get there, but we are with a client every step of the way.