How to Avoid Quietly Quitting on a Relationship

Have you already given up on your relationship?

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In 2022, Tik Tok suddenly became filled with the phrase "quietly quitting," referencing a job that you don't love but aren't necessarily ready to leave. Is it possible people quietly quit their romantic relationships as well?

Here are five signs you may be ignoring in an effort to quietly quit your relationship and why you should step up your game if you're not ready to say goodbye to your current partner.

1. Neglecting your mental health

A 2015 study by Idstad et al. followed more than 20,000 couples and the level of mental distress in both partners at the beginning of the study and how this affected the likelihood of divorce up to 16 years later.

The likelihood of separation and/or divorce was significantly higher in couples with one mentally distressed partner than in couples with no mental health distress. Not surprisingly, the likelihood of divorce for couples with two mentally distressed partners was higher than for couples with one mentally distressed partner.

Overall, nearly 30 percent of the couples in this sample who ended up divorcing had at least one partner suffering with mental health issues.

What does this mean for you and your relationship?

If you or your partner is struggling with your mental health, and you're not taking active steps to improve this by seeing a therapist, engaging in self-help activities, or talking to loved ones about your struggles, you may be letting your relationship fall by the wayside without even realizing it.

Remember, taking care of your own mental health is part of taking care of your relationship.

2. Physical health limitations

A 2025 study of nearly 32,000 mixed-gender couples found that couples in which the woman self-reported poor health or limitations in physical activity and the man reported good health had a higher likelihood of divorce than couples who were both in good health.

Furthermore, when the man was of limited health/mobility, there was no increase in the likelihood of divorce.

It appears that men struggle more than women do when their partner becomes limited due to age or injury, although the reasons behind that remain unclear. Many ailments will occur as we age that we cannot control, but if you have been letting your physical health come in second or even third place as you have gotten older, you might not even know that this may be quietly quitting your relationship—consciously or subconsciously.

Ladies, perhaps it is time to prioritize you and your physical health, even if it means taking away from the time you spend with your partner. Your health may be of more benefit to your relationship in the long run.

3. Contempt in your marriage

John Gottman's 1999 publication The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work studied more than 650 couples and their likelihood of discord, which most frequently led to divorce and found that contempt was the most harmful behavior in a relationship—and the most likely to lead to divorce.

What is contempt?

Contempt is communication that is accompanied by disrespect, disgust, or putting down your partner's thoughts, actions, and ideas. The words are often accompanied by sarcasm, eye-rolling, mocking the other person, or similar outward displays of mild aggression.

How can we eliminate contempt from our communication with our partner?

Remember to be kind to your partner, even—and especially—if you feel frustrated or angry. For example, rather than saying "You always do a lousy job parking your car, it's like you want to upset me," you may choose to say "Hey, it really frustrates me when your car is parked at that angle and it makes me feel like you don't care how difficult it is for me to park my car. That makes me feel like you don't care about my feelings."

Communication between couples should regularly include more positive emotions like love, gratitude, and vulnerability rather than harsh statements of blame and judgment.

4. Drinking your relationship away

A 2024 study by Ford and Burns found a correlation between the number of drinks consumed by both men and women per week and the number of episodes of divorce and/or separation, but not the duration of time spent while divorced or separated.

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What does this mean?

The more often someone had been separated or divorced, the more likely they were to engage in binge drinking (six drinks or more for women, eight drinks or more for men) and the more likely their frequency of drinking (five days or more per week).

It's unclear what the motivation is for this correlation, but it is a fair guess to say that drinking doesn't do a lot of good in repairing a bent or broken relationship. If you continue to drink heavily while your relationship falls apart, you may be quietly quitting your relationship while developing an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

5. Sexual issues

A 2025 meta-analysis by Zenoozian et al. found that one of the main causes of separation in couples is sexual problems. In fact, 47 percent of people who had separated reported sexual compatibility issues, both physical and emotional.

How can you prevent sexual compatibility issues from affecting your marriage?

• Talk about what is going on with your body and encourage your partner to do the same. Secrets have never helped any relationship to flourish.
• See a doctor if something doesn't feel right to you or seems to have changed suddenly. If there is a physical cause, it may seem like an easier fix than struggling with a psychological one, but remember, we have many different types of doctors out there that address many different aspects of sexual dysfunction.
• Find a therapist who is trained in sex therapy (requirements differ by state) and go for a consult to find out what your options are.
• Don't just wait for this sexual issue to "run its course." Your relationship may depend on it.

In conclusion

Sometimes a relationship ends without us noticing, and sometimes we fail to notice when a relationship is falling apart right before our eyes.

If you're at a loss as to why your relationship seems to have more issues now than it did six months ago, pay attention to the signs that you might be withdrawing physically and emotionally. Most importantly, stop and ask yourself whether the end of the relationship is something you are secretly looking forward to.

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