Career
6 Ways to Be More Popular at Work in 2025—and Why It Matters
They all have something very nice in common.
Posted December 28, 2024 Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano
Key points
- Likability is one of Cialdini's core principles of influence.
- Charisma is competence + warmth; everyone is charismatic in the right context by being nice at the same time.
- Demonstrating vulnerability from strength creates psychological safety, the #1 predictor of team performance.
- Office politics mean prioritizing personal relationships over business outcomes and can be cultural gold.
Co-Authored by Laura Martin
Is there any bigger win-win in life than likability? Being liked is pretty awesome in and of itself, but it also means we’re improving the lives of the people who like us. Doesn’t your life improve when you meet someone you like?
The benefits don’t stop there. Being likable makes us way more influential, and being persuasive without being manipulative is the best version of us all.
In his must-read-if-you’re-a-human Influence, psychologist Robert Cialdini identifies likability as one of six principles with the greatest persuasive power on others. He offers three tangible and effective ways to be more likable. We’ll start there.
1. Curiosity
For likability, this means bring curious about others.
We are fascinated by people who find us fascinating, and who can blame us? It makes us feel recognized as inherently worthwhile, and engaging that curiosity makes us reflect on ourselves in a positive light, building our self-esteem.
“All people, at their best, are naturally curious,” is one of the foundational principles of our leadership consulting practice. It is not only the best driver of development but the fastest path to mental wellness.
That it also attracts other people to us should tell us something. The benefits of being curious about the people with whom we engage are incalculable, in business and in life.
2. Compliments
The old saying turned out to be aspirational. Actually, a lot of people like a kiss-ass. Fortunately, though, not all likability is created equal, and obsequiousness reaches only the bottom rung.
Meaningful compliments, however, are transformative for their recipients, but not everyone has a knack for delivering them.
Here’s an exercise to help. Think about, Why do I admire this person? And then tell them.
“I know this might sound weird, but I wanted to let you know that I was reflecting on things, and I really admire this about you.”
You know who likes hearing that? Everyone.
3. Shared Interests
“OMG you like The Radiators? They are my favorite band, and no one knows them!” she said to her new best friend for life.
You could probably predict marriage rates based on the identified shared interests (or lack thereof) in first dates. People who like what we like “get” us. Passion and appreciation are great, but sharing them with someone is next-level. It’s the difference between a live album and a concert.
That’s why we advise placing artifacts of your interests in your zoom backgrounds. We’ve helped managers and reports turn things around by watching Seinfeld episodes together. We run an exercise helping teams describe their shared cosmic radio station. Because when they know what brings them together, they stay together.
Plus, “like” and “like.”
4. Charisma
Charisma may be the most misunderstood human attribute. People think of it as a personality trait: You either have it or you don’t. (Helpful tip: The kids call it “rizz.”)
And, like irony, most people struggle to define charisma but know it when they see it.
Yet every once in a while, a definition emerges that clears things up. For irony, it was the movie Reality Bites, “It’s when the actual meaning is the complete opposite of the literal meaning.”
For charisma, it was Susan Fiske’s stereotype content model in 2002, which first identified the combination of traits that we now understand as charisma: warmth plus competence.
When someone is really good and they make us feel really good, they are charismatic as hell. Our mistake is believing that this counts only in social situations.
Competence extends to everything, which means that everyone can be incredibly charismatic in context. We just need to be warm: smiling, welcoming, generous, present. Who doesn’t like that from a badass?
5. Vulnerability (from strength)
Psychological safety (team members feeling safe to express their genuine thoughts and feelings without a fear of reprisal) became a big deal in the 2010s, because it was found to be the strongest predictor of team performance.
But relatively few people are aware of how the discovery was made. A struggling manager at Google opened up to his team about his battle with cancer, and team performance skyrocketed.
People sharing vulnerability while in a position of strength is about as likable as it gets. For starters, it helps everyone feel better about themselves. “Look, if she’s struggling with confidence, or he’s struggling with depression, then it’s not so bad that I am too.”
Most people try to convince us that their lives are perfect, and, by extension, ours are not. Paradoxically, most of the biggest stars of social media make us feel terrible about ourselves, which is why they so often disappear without a trace. Those who show vulnerability have fan bases that will never abandon them. Just ask Brene Brown.
6. Office Politics (the good kind)
For a lot of high achievers, office politics are anathema: It’s everything they hate. Achievers want meritocracy and care only about results. They cannot stomach the idea of accepting anything suboptimal (in their eyes) as an accommodation to political considerations.
It’s understandable and even a little admirable. It’s also terribly naïve. Results in anything would be irrelevant in political chaos; nothing could be achieved. Getting everyone bought-in to create a functional environment is impossible without politics. The players who lament politics fail to realize there would be no game to play without them.
But does that mean scheming, conniving, and back-stabbing? Heck, no! That’s unlikable.
"Office politics" describes only one thing: prioritizing personal relationships over business outcomes. The reality is that if you lead a career in which you do not prioritize relationships, you won’t have much of a career.
In fact, it may be time to change the name “office politics” to something that more accurately reflects their value: work friends.
It’s Like…
“Trying to be likable” might sound manipulative, until we realize it’s basically the same as being kind. If 2025 is our kindest year, it will also be the year in which we become our most beloved. And, by extension, our most effective.
Laura Martin is the co-founder and CEO of The Glinda Group, LLC, helping organizations thrive through the application of social science. She has previously been a senior leader at Target, ADP, Razr, and BMS.