High School Reunion: Lives Over Time

In my practice, I work with a large number of adolescents. In fact, I have worked with teens for decades. Sometimes, I am fortunate enough to hear from them years later, and I find out how their lives have progressed. On that note, this weekend, I was lucky enough to go to my high school reunion and was able to see how my classmates' lives had changed over time.

For just four lively and almost giddy hours, we were able to feel 15, 16, 17, or 18. It seemed like a bit of time travel. As the always observant clinical psychologist, my mission was one of reconnaissance. My friends joked that I would sit back and observe, but I did much more than that. I did quite a bit of interacting and learned a lot about what happens when you bring a large group of adults together who went through their teen years together.

My impression was that the extraverts and introverts continued to live their lives true to their high school personality styles. Those who were quieter tended to find careers that suited their personality styles. The extraverts were the ones who reintroduced people. Consider the classmate who put together the reunion—a skilled and talented extravert who turned into an adult who made people comfortable. In fact, one by one, he made each person feel like they were embraced in a giant hug. This is figurative. He made each person feel like they were important and that he was awaiting their arrival. To a more introverted individual like me, this looked quite exhausting. He seemed, however, to enjoy this role.

My impression was that self-esteem was more subject to change over time. It clearly appeared to have increased over the decades. Perhaps, this was correlated with self-selection. It is quite possible that successful members of our cohort group were more likely to attend the reunion than the less successful. The room was full of people doing all kinds of jobs. Nonetheless, conversation seemed to focus on marriages, divorce, children, and lifestyle choices. I did not sense much competition. People were hungry to talk about relationships. Perhaps this was because that is what we focused on in high school.

I am sure that many were curious about those who had bullied them or made them feel self-conscious in high school. In at least one circumstance, there was memory confusion, and the perceived bully was not the actual bully. So, a perception held on to for decades was dispelled. This appeared to be quite a relief for the individual who had been carrying around this grudge for years. The takeaway here was that, at times, a bit of reality testing may be helpful.

Additionally, many whom I spoke to seemed to gravitate toward those they were comfortable with in high school. I was fascinated that synergy seemed to be stable over time. High school sweethearts often do reconnect. Now, I get why. Familiarity and temperamental styles that worked in high school seemed to have held up over time. Those who were very different in high school greeted each other but found other people to sit with.

The loveliest aspect of the reunion is that old friendships were renewed, and many got a chance to reconnect with their younger selves outside of the stressful high school years. Yes, many of us would never want to return to high school, but for just four hours, something magical happened, and I will remember to ask lots of questions about the teen years when I do my next assessment. If you have the opportunity to attend a high school reunion, consider going. You can leave early if it evokes too much negative emotion.