The Impact of "Adolescence"

The recent Netflix miniseries Adolescence has many in and out of the therapeutic community buzzing. We were all moved by and a bit frightened as we watched the aftermath of a 13-year-old boy's rage. In this miniseries, we first witness a chaotic scene during which police come to Jamie's family's home to arrest him on suspicion of murder. Imagine the fear and confusion that the family felt as they watched their son being accused of murder. Any unexpected police visit is frightening but here we bear witness to an unimaginable set of events.

As the series progresses, we learn that the parents thought that Jamie was safe when he was in his room but he was actually being bullied online. He was referred to as an incel by classmates. (I had to familiarize myself with this term. Apparently, there is an online subculture of incels—young men who are unable to find sexual or romantic partners and as a result become angry and and devaluing of women who have rejected them, or who could reject them.) We then get to take a good, hard look at what Jamie experienced at school, where he was relentlessly mocked—and it seemed clear that not a single adult in any role intervened. Jamie internalized this mocking and hence began his self-hatred. He made the mistake of asking a fellow classmate on a date believing that she would say yes because he perceived her as weak. The classmate, Katie, turned him down, after which his rage escalated and eventually he stabbed her to death. It appeared that he felt that she got what she deserved. This brings up issues of misogyny and self-hatred, a coupling that is quite dangerous.

Jamie is taken to a mental health facility where he is interviewed by an astute therapist. When distressed by the therapist's questions, he got enraged and threw furniture. The therapist asked him about his father, which is an especially tough question. You can see Jamie's anxiety about answering, but he describes his father, Eddie, as sometimes having anger issues and further describes his father as having destroyed the family's shed. His father is a hard-working man and seems to love his family. Nonetheless, he modeled anger, which may have contributed to Jamie's anger issues but in and of itself did not cause Jamie to murder Katie.

So, what do we learn from this miniseries? First, we learn that a teen's bedroom can be an emotionally unsafe space. Parents must check in on their kids and see what their virtual life is like. The kids won't like it, but you may become aware of bullying and other activities in their virtual lives. Second, we learn that even in a family of good people, a child can feel isolated. The lesson is to start the dialogue with your teen early on and let them know that you want to listen to them and hear about what is going on in their lives. Third, make no assumptions about your child's mental health. Always check in with your child, their siblings, and their schools. These are all valuable sources of information.

Rage, isolation, and being bullied online will not always lead to violence but the combination of these issues can lead to self-loathing, bad decisions, and depression. As stated above, there is never a point at which you should assume that all is well in your child's life. Teens, especially, tend to keep feelings to themselves. Imagine how emotionally isolating this must be for them.

At the end of the series, we watch Jamie's mother, Manda, speak tenderly to her husband. She takes accountability for Jamie's behavior. Especially poignant is the phrase "We made them" which refers to both Jamie and their lovely and seemingly grounded daughter. In a single family, kids can have very different temperaments. At the end of the series, we watch the family try to move on to a normal life after Jamie pleads guilty. Painful doesn't even begin to describe the scene of Eddie and Manda leaning on each other.

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