5 Things Not to Do If You Want a Party Invitation

There are many ways to be boring.

Posted Dec 30, 2017

Daniel M Ernst/Shutterstock
Source: Daniel M Ernst/Shutterstock

We all want to get invitations to social gatherings. Yes, we may decide not to accept every one, but even the most introverted and socially anxious among us still want to feel included. Throughout life, we struggle to be accepted, invited, and ultimately invited. Despite that, many among us continue to engage, way too frequently, in behaviors that are simply too annoying, aversive, and frankly, way too boring to others. These sorts of behaviors will certainly get one removed from many guest lists. So what are the behaviors that lead others to see you as a drag, an energy depleter, and less than enjoyable company? The following is not a complete list, but I am certain it is a good way to help you start thinking about how your behavior impacts others:

1. Do not talk about yourself endlessly.

We all know that person who goes on endlessly about his life without giving you even a moment to say a word. This sort of person is a monologer and appears to not even care if his partner in conversation is interested, listening, or engaged. The monologer may be bragging, complaining, or simply discussing the details of a recent event in his life with an emphasis on what is going on in his life only. This sort of behavior may be motivated by narcissism, loneliness, or perhaps a lack of empathy. Regardless, the person is not someone whom anyone wants to be seated next to, correct?

2. Please put your phone away.

No one wants to have dinner with you while you are spending time on your phone. Everyone wants to be attended to. Your phone will be available to you after dinner, the party, etc. Keep in mind that you send the message that you have no interest in the person sitting next to you if you stare at your phone. When you are with someone, they should be getting your attention. Please take note here.

3. Remember to put energy into your interactions.

Act interested in those around you. Ask about their opinions, interests, and lives. I am not suggesting that you pry or get too personal too quickly. I am suggesting instead that you act curious. You will be rewarded in many ways for your vitality and interest. Your conversations will be more fun, as they are more interactive. As you learn about others, you actually learn more about yourself. Try it. Your social circle may expand.

4. Consider who your audience is.

In other words, know your audience before you start oversharing. A good friend may be interested in the details of your relationships, emotional issues, and perspective on a variety of other personal topics. A new acquaintance, however, may be put off by such disclosure. Conversation should be characterized mostly by reciprocity. If you share intimate details of your life, your audience may feel that this is the expectation for them as well. In other words, think before speaking. Ask yourself how well you know the person to whom you are about to start disclosing. Also, take note of how your audience reacts to the conversation. If they are silent and inching away, those are signs that you may need to shift the conversation and save the details for your next therapy session or morning walk with your closest friend.

And...

5. Try very hard to strike the right tone.

Sometimes it makes sense to be serious, and at other times, a well-placed bit of levity makes more sense. Pay attention to the conversation, and be responsive with your words and tone. You do not need to insert humor where it doesn't belong, even if you have some good lines up your sleeve. The former class clown can become very boring in the middle of an invigorating adult conversation. Similarly, being too intensely serious can put people off. I am not suggesting that you handle every interaction perfectly. I am suggesting instead that you bring a high level of care and mindfulness to your interactions.