What's Your 10-Year Relationship Vision?

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If you've been in a long-term relationship, anything over a year, you'll probably start imagining a future with your partner.

For those in your first longer-term relationship, it can be fun to imagine and dream. Dreaming is a key ingredient to any fierce, healthy love. It can be a playful relationship skill builder to imagine the next year and what you'd like to experience.

Envisioning a future and future planning may be challenging for those who have experienced post-traumatic stress as a foreshortened future is a common symptom.

A future might also be challenging if you're not a good match.

For those married readers, you'll want to dream often and share your longer-term dreams at least every 6-12 months. Consider it an excellent opportunity for what we call The State of the Union conversation in Gottman-Method Couples Therapy.

What is your 10-year plan?

In a stable and secure attachment, a couple can design their individual and collective lines of effort. With a limited supply of energy, particularly for those with children, focusing your effort is a good idea.

Consider the following questions with your spouse or partner:

1. What are our major life goals? For example, having a child is a common major life goal for most couples.
2. What do we need to achieve those goals? Having realistic and gentle conversations about financial and other goals can be a great way to keep your dreams within reach.
3. What could the next 10 years look like? This is a graphical representation of the next decade. Take a 10.5 x 8" piece of paper and draw a few lines moving across and up. End all of the lines with arrows symbolizing the continued evolution of any plan. Jot down your major goals along the sheet as you talk about what's possible.

Given the tempo of modern life, it's more likely that you'll focus on annual goals and plan 12-months in advance, sketching out your achievable dreams.

Conversations about dreams should follow a similar principle involved in effective brainstorming. When listening to your partner, consider celebrating ideas and not moving to invalidate as impractical. In conflict, it's often helpful to understand your partner's dreams beyond the context of your unique relationship.

We want to know our partner's dreams and be clear about our own.

Take the hour SOTU conversation to update each other on your vision and dream. Each partner must generate their own vision so as to consider comparable goals and alignment.