10 Holiday Gifts that Will Cause Your Child Lasting Psychological Damage
These gifts will ruin Christmas and traumatize your child for life.
Posted Dec 20, 2010
Unless you want your children doomed to a lifetime of psychopathology and a mountain of future therapy bills, avoid these holiday gifts at all costs:
2. The Game of Life. Ah yes, there's nothing better than a board game reminding you that you could easily be condemned to a lifetime of underpaid salaries, house fires, bankruptcy and childlessness.
3. Fisher Price Medical Kit. Hypochondriacs rejoice! Now every cough, sniffle, or boo-boo can be treated as a major medical emergency.
4. A Santa outfit. Dressing your child up in a Santa outfit for holiday photos is why your child will grow into an adolescent who hates you.
5. A Barbie doll or superhero action figure. Can you say body image issues?
7. Curious George. He's an impulsive monkey with a pathological lack of attachment anxiety. Do you really want your child emulating this behavior? Hopefully your insurance plan covers stimulant medication.
9. Tickle Me Elmo. Tickling a giggling furry creature is a sure-fire way to kick-start sexual fetishism.
10. Etch-a-sketch. Your child will spend hours working on a deeply meaningful artistic creation, only to have it wiped away at the slightest jostling. A psychologically devastating reminder of the ubiquity of loss and the ephemeral nature of existence. Also, no building sand castles on the beach.
Jared DeFife, Ph.D.