A Look at Personal Development

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Only too often, our desire to grow is an indictment of who we are now. There can be an urgency and a striving to be a better person. It’s even easier to take pride in an investment in personal improvement and refinement. The attachment to an individual upgrading carries a hope of finally attaining some measure of worth and the possibility of being lovable.

These psychological makeovers make an important statement about who we are now. There is a nuanced theme of self-deprecation. There’s also the problem of getting caught up in endless pursuits of improvement. And what would enough improvements look like? The implication is a psychological bypass, suggesting that with enough purification, we can reach a state of completion.

There Is No Arrival

A colleague once asked me if I believed the Buddha had arrived. The same question could be asked of Christ, Confucius, Mohammed, and other spiritual leaders. Following an extended pause, I said, “I believe the Buddha did arrive, as he deeply accepted that there is no arrival.” It took my colleague a moment to understand that I wasn’t playing some head game. It takes humility and courage to accept that there is no arrival or perfected state. The choices include turning our backs on our development, pretending we’ve arrived, or accepting a devoted apprenticeship where we also honor who we are now.

A New Developmental Model

When it comes to personal growth, the two popular alternatives are: “I’m fine the way I am, and change isn’t necessary.” And “I’m not fine the way I am, and I need to improve.” In his book, The Hanged Man, Sheldon Kopp introduced a paradoxical developmental model. He said, “I’m no longer interested in character development. As long as that implies in any way that my Buddhahood is not already at hand.” I interpret Kopp’s statement as saying it is fine to invest in developing his character as long as that suggests that his essential goodness is already here. Hence, the paradox of “I’m fine the way I am, and I choose to grow.” This mantra may lead to an awakening and enlightenment.

Steps for Your Awakening

An awakening is a personal undertaking and reflects an intimate relationship between who you are and some part of yourself. Let’s look at some steps to consider for awakening.

*Allowing yourself to see some part of yourself previously just out of view. An example might be noticing how much you respond to life, feeling like a victim.

*Deciding how you feel about this part coming into view. An example might be noticing your tendency to see yourself as a victim. You could feel angry, sad, and scared. Then deciding if you’re ready to extend a welcome to this part of you that attaches to victimhood.

*Deciding you want to learn more about this tendency to be a victim and what the options might look like.

*Being curious about what this part might be asking for. One option would be to appreciate how this part helped you to take care of yourself.

*Clarifying what you might be willing to offer for this part. You might be willing to clarify when you are actually being victimized, like a mugging, versus when you simply feel victimized as a way to cope.

*Deciding what psychological work is needed to more fully integrate this part, which is your apprenticeship. You may need to forgive yourself and explore authentic expressions of power, such as willfulness, and when it's appropriate, letting go.

Enlightenment Is an Act of Devotion

*Deciding what apprenticeship is sacred, which means you believe it reflects what truly matters.

*You decide that the apprenticeship calls for your devotion, which means you decide to be dedicated and loyal to the work of the apprenticeship. Enlightenment is essentially an act of devotion.

*Clarifying what internal and external resources are available to support your devotion. An internal resource might be your ability to persevere and remain focused. An external resource might be a friend who intentionally influences situations.

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*Deciding how the learning yielded from the apprenticeship might best be of service.

*Holding gratitude for what you’ve been given that has offered the opportunity to live this apprenticeship devotionally. You may have a deeper understanding of yourself and or the human condition, which means you are more responsible for holding an open mind and heart.

An apprenticeship needs to begin by letting go of shame. Awakening and enlightenment are not points of arrival but rather commitments to your holism, as you remain curious about who in your internal world awaits your welcome. There is also the curiosity about how your apprenticeship might best be of service. The dignity of your awakening and enlightenment is sustained as long as you avoid comparing your apprenticeships to those of others.