Reclaiming the Lost Art of Mature Masculinity

Source: Jonathan Caliguire/Unsplash

In the 1970s, it became apparent that women needed a strong social movement to support them and help them access socioeconomic and political power.

Feminism did just that. Although many inequities remain between the genders, feminism has helped to open many doors in business, politics, and education.

In the early '90s, John Lee and Robert Bly led the mythopoetic men’s movement. It offered men a valuable opportunity to take their maturing seriously. I was lucky to be one of the men who benefited and continue to do so 30 years later.

Unlike feminism, the mythopoetic men’s movement never really made a cultural shift for many men. One reason is that feminism did not make a paradigm shift in power. Women wanted the entitlement to benefit from holding socioeconomic and political power with men. The mythopoetic men’s movement did make a paradigm shift in power, as it focused on personal power. This power shift was reflected in the theme of loss being the initial focus of the gatherings. We explored the losses we experienced as sons, lovers, friends, workers, and veterans.

At Its Proper Time

An old definition of the word maturing is “at its proper time.” The men’s movement offered us the nudge toward the proper time to ask, “What is a real man?” The response that came back was, “Learn to honor the entirety of your inner world.” Most of us experienced this charge as an invitation accompanied by the fear of what we would find in our interior landscape. Because of this initial focus being loss, many of us moved closer to meeting our broken hearts. This enabled us to shift away from defining manhood as stoic, competitive, independent, and unflappable. Many of us began allowing ourselves to be touched and moved, feel vulnerable, ask for help, take a stand for what we believed while listening to those holding different beliefs, and accept the mystery of manhood and the apprenticeship it calls for.

Personal Power vs. Socioeconomic and Political Power

Here are some contrasting features between personal power and socioeconomic and political power. Because of our devotion to the latter expression of power, many males will be challenged actually to see the aspects of personal power as real power. I am concerned that women who have benefited from the efforts of feminism may forget about personal power as they strive to compete with men. It’s easy to see that the average corporate culture does not recommend personal power as a way to secure advancement. (The following list is a synopsis of the varying characteristics.)

Personal Power

• Living a self-examining life.
• Tracking the pulse of one’s emotional and spiritual life.
• Prioritizing collaboration and co-creation.
• Prioritizing emotional intelligence and wisdom.
• Employing strength through surrender.

Socioeconomic and Political Power

• Prioritizing examining economic and political conditions.
• Tracking social and financial opportunity.
• Prioritizing competition.
• Prioritizing logical reasoning and practical intelligence.
• Employing strength through acts of will.

Doubling Down

When males feel confused or stuck as they apply the components of socioeconomic and political power, they do what they know and try more of the same. It didn’t serve women to be restricted to one form of power, and it doesn’t serve men. Here are some of the consequences of compensating with more strivings toward socioeconomic and political power.

• A loss of direction. When personal power is neglected, so is our ability to be guided by instinct, imagination, and intuition.
• Feeling overwhelmed and burned out. The mandate becomes "when you’re stuck, get busier."
• Emotional isolation. Getting obsessed and busy insulates from viable human contact.
• Unbridled expressions of bravado and domination. When feeling vulnerable isn’t an option, we push the use of willfulness.
• Compromised maturation. With little access to personal power, we lose the strength of suitable coping methods. We lose the ability to distinguish what’s in our control and what isn’t and the ability to let go of what we can’t control. We don’t ask for help from a viable resource and are accountable for our actions while maintaining integrity.

When we step away from the fulfilling and edifying features of personal power, distortions begin to blur our vision, making it difficult to see what truly matters.

It is time for men to have more personal powerful, which doesn’t mean doubling down with more socioeconomic and political power. We can accept that there are two forms of empowerment, and we need both to take care of ourselves and serve others. Do what you can to find an older man comfortably living with both powers. He may be a family member, a friend, a boss, a therapist, or a mentor. Let him know it is your time to adopt the two expressions of power.