What Is Good-Enough Parenting?

Source: Nathan Dumlao / Unsplash

Getting caught up in attempting to perfect our parenting is all too easy. The culture appears to encourage maternal refinement more than paternal improvement.

There are several unfortunate consequences of desiring to be a perfect parent.

1. Simply not feeling good enough due to not reaching some ideal goal.
2. Emotional fatigue due to excessive striving.
3. Falling victim to wanting our children to like us, which inevitably compromises exercising our authority.
4. Possibly resenting our children for not acting perfectly and impeding the upgrade of our parental status.

Good-Enough Parental Skills

Effective parenting is a mystery composed of the ever-reshaping developmental edges of parents and children. The parenting relationship is organic and driven by each person’s needs, values, beliefs, and longings. Hence, these "good-enough" parenting skills are always evolving.

1. Employing effective boundaries. Boundaries create limits with the primary purpose of protecting children. Other objectives include communicating family values and the logical consequences of violating those values. Boundaries supply structure to a child’s lifestyle, supporting desired goals and social development.
2. Offerings of encouragement. Encouragement expresses the parent’s belief in a child’s ability to problem-solve and make decisions that enhance self-efficacy. Parents who offer encouragement believe in who their child is rather than who they might become.
3. Nurturing. An old definition of the word nurture is “to feed.” We can feed our children emotionally as well as physically. This emotional sustenance includes gentle touch, hugging, kissing, attentive listening, playing games, and expressions of love.
4. Discipline. The word discipline comes from the word “discipleship.” What this really means is committing to asking for help from friends, relatives, and professionals. Enlisting parental assistance means summoning a village to raise a child.

Carl Jung cautioned, “The greatest burden that a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.” What does a parent's lived life look like? It is a precious map of living what they love—of living what brings meaning and joy to their lives. Hence, good-enough parenting often reflects how parents live their own lives.

Lastly, in good-enough parenting we must repeatedly forgive ourselves for transgressions enacted toward our children, such as neglect or a lack of kindness. Forgiving ourselves goes with acknowledging our mistakes to our children. Such acknowledgment is excellent modeling for taking responsibility for our actions.