Three Paradigms of Living

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Of course, we want to enjoy life and, at the end of our lives, feel satisfied with our choices and how we ultimately lived.

Everyone chooses their own path to fulfillment, guided by their unique life paradigm. A paradigm is defined as a framework of beliefs, values, and ideas that filter how you see the world. Your paradigm influences your choices and shapes your life.

There are numerous life paradigms ranging from a nihilistic perspective, which focuses on the meaninglessness of life and distrust of others, to a more introspective approach, focused on the search for deeper meaning.

In this article, I offer three paradigms for consideration. Reflect on which one may be central to how you are choosing to live your life.

The Contentment Paradigm

The state of being content is often defined as a state of calmness, ease, and acceptance of one’s situation in life. This approach can help one feel safe and secure while dealing with an uncertain world. It can also help one avoid the constant comparison with the lives (and possessions) of others, which can often lead to feelings of dissatisfaction with one’s own life, low self-esteem, and unhappiness.

However, when someone says, “I hope you find contentment,” it can be misinterpreted as a judgment call that their life is superior to how you are living your life. They may believe they are recommending that you choose a life that is “safer” and “more settled,” often guided and judged by their needs, value choices, and fears, not yours.

The weakness with seeking contentment is that dissatisfaction with life is actually necessary and beneficial for learning, growth, and self-discovery. For example, feeling weak stimulates one to strengthen one’s body through exercise; feeling out of place causes one to seek new circumstances that resonate closer to one’s heart; misunderstanding the world causes one to open one’s mind to learn new concepts, etc.

If you are reaching the retirement age of 60+, reflect on how your life choices have evolved. Are you choosing a life that feels like it is expanding or a life that feels routine, contracting, or even atrophying? This question goes beyond the “bucket list” question of activities one might want to experience in their later years to the deeper, more existential question: “How are you choosing to explore your true self in your latter years?”

The Resilience Paradigm

Life cannot be preprogrammed, for it flows like a river, twisting and turning, changing at different rates, sometimes appearing more stable, while at other times, like right now, tossing us around in the turbulent rapids. Indeed, life is change, but we often resist it, wanting things to stay the same and trying to design and control our lives so change doesn’t happen.

We think that if we stay in the same house, work in the same place at the same job, and keep the same friends, we’ll be able to avoid having to deal with change. But the status quo is an illusion because, even if we want to stand still, everyone and everything else around us is changing.

As the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus advised, life is always in flux, situations are changing, and a new approach to living may be needed. Choosing a resilience paradigm can help you prepare for and thrive during difficult times, such as political conflicts, changing rules, inflation, famine, loss of financial wealth, weather, fires, accidents—all the things in life that are mostly outside your power of influence.

Resilience involves believing that you can make things better for yourself versus being a helpless victim of your circumstances. As the world-famous psychiatrist Dr. Viktor Frankl taught us, it is not about what happens to us, but how we react that really matters.¹ If you are resilient, you can recover more quickly and adapt to new situations. You can choose how you think and feel, as well as what you do.

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The Meaning Paradigm

Viktor Frankl discovered during World War II that having a sense of meaning was the most important determinant of survival. But he observed, “Even more people today have the means to live but no meaning to live for.” ²

We can find meaning in any given moment, and we can also find meaning when we step back and reflect on the overall state of our lives. In my book, The OPA! Way,³ I offer an easy-to-understand formula for finding meaning in three elements of our life: connecting meaningfully with others (O); engaging with deeper purpose and positively impacting the world (P); and embracing all of life, including our health, with a positive attitude (A).

Ask yourself, “What is most important in my life, and how can I put these meaningful elements at the core of my life each day?” Remember, the will to meaning comes from within. It comes from having a deep resonance with who you are at your core, beyond your tasks, roles, titles, money, or possessions. Having a deeper understanding of yourself—knowing yourself and knowing your sources of meaning—will help you weather the storms that come your way.

Everyone has their own paradigm for how they want to live and seek fulfillment: some choose to be motivated by contentment, some choose resilience, and others choose meaning. Choose what works for you…and remember, try to avoid choosing a life paradigm for others. It is their life and their choice as well!