Why Youth Culture Is Toxic for Teens and Young Adults

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The cultural trope is that youth is the best time of our lives. When we pass into adulthood, there are responsibilities, sagging skin, and a lost vitality that we can never get back. We may feel a subtle insecurity that we are getting old, boring, and ugly. We all feel how our culture's obsession with youth can put pressure on us to stay youthful-looking and relevant.

But what about our kids? What about the pressure they feel? They also assimilate these messages, though they take on a different flavor for them: This is the best time of your life! Do it all while you can! You will never feel as good as you do now! The myriad pop songs saying that "tonight is the night" broadcast an implicit pressure to make young adulthood as fun, exciting, and memorable as possible.

The reality is that young adulthood is a particularly challenging time. Consider the hallmarks of young adult life that can take a toll on mental health. For example:

1. Egocentrism. The process of moving from childhood to adulthood often requires egocentrism. Who do I want to be? Where do I want to live? What do I want to do? What do I want in a romantic relationship? To answer these questions, young people need to focus inwards on themselves. Yet, this can be a slippery slope where defining the self turns into judging the self. We tell our kids to work hard, but it is very easy to feel that the same working hard that results in an A in class can be applied to fitting in, having the right appearance, and more. As an example, eating disorder prevalence is highest in the early twenties. Too much self-focus can lead to negative mental health outcomes, yet young adults have to be self-focused. Acceptance and self-love factor high in mental health, but can be tough to discern during this period of life.
2. Achievement culture/competition. As young adults work to put the pieces of their lives together, there is intense competition along the way. Did they make the travel sports team or not? Did they qualify for advanced math? Did they get into the college they wanted? To add insult to injury, they compete against their peers for these accolades. They sit with friends when they get a test back, and there is a numerical number pointing to who did better than someone else. This level of competition contributes to anxiety and stress and hurts relationships. Think of the difference between high school friendships and adult friendships. Most adult friendships do not have competition as a factor, so it is easier for them to feel supportive and accepting. Feeling connected with others is such an important tool in our wellness toolbox, and young adults are in an environment that does not always foster this type of support.
3. Uncertainty. Adolescence and young adulthood are rife with unpredictability. How tall will I be? How will my body develop? What kind of job do I want? What major should I choose? What colleges will I get into? Will my friend and I be okay if I get the lead in the school play and they do not? This level of uncertainty is disconcerting and stressful, and would leave anyone feeling on edge.
4. Substances. The “going out” culture is pervasive in young adulthood. People party to create those fun, memorable experiences, to try to meet potential romantic partners, to bond with friends, and more. Alcohol and other substances are enmeshed in these experiences, meaning substance use can feel like an integral part of young adult life. Unfortunately, these substances can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health symptomatology. Not to mention the lack of sleep, poor eating habits, and other aspects of "going out" culture that can also contribute to declines in mental health.
5. Lack of history. People talk about how beautiful a first love can be, but few talk about how hard the first break-up is. Lacking prior experience, break-ups and other challenges can feel excruciatingly painful. As we get older, we build a track record of having experienced and survived hard times. We know we can make it through. We know it will hurt, but that it will also pass, and things will get better. As we get older, we become more resourced, meaning we know what strategies will help us get through the hard times. Young adults are learning about resourcing as they go, much like building an airplane while it is in the air. Therefore, when the hard times hit, as they always do, they can hit harder in young adulthood than in other periods of our lives.

With all of this in mind, the messages of youth culture take on a different flavor. They reek of pressure, to be happy all the time, active all the time, and beautiful all the time. This is the best part of your life! Grasp it while you can! Young adults assimilate these messages and then think, if this is the best, then what is wrong with me?

The answer is nothing. Young adulthood is a challenging time. Sure, there are beautiful things, but there are also lots of really hard things. To support young adults and their mental health, we need to give them a far more accurate depiction of this life stage, and share with them all the ways it gets better in time. We need to be honest about the mistakes we made, so they can see that it is okay to make mistakes too. We need to share our resourcing strategies so they can practice resourcing themselves. Instead of envying youth and culturally putting them on a pedestal, we need to appreciate our advancing age for the wisdom and security we built along the way. Perhaps in these ways, we can dismantle the negative effects youth culture has on us.