Living a Life Without Regret

"In my 50-year career as an executive educator and coach, I have been blessed to work with many of the greatest leaders in America. In theory, I am supposed to teach them. In practice, I have learned far more from them than they have learned from me." Marshall Goldsmith

Marshall Goldsmith

Source: Hastings Digital

What do we have to look forward to as we grow old? If you are Marshall Goldsmith, you can learn all you need to know from dining in restaurants.

How, might you ask, does a restaurant experience fit into a life well earned, without regret? Marshall found himself with an opportunity to dine in a fine restaurant when he was in his late 20s. As someone who grew up poor, he wasn't accustomed to eating in Michelin star restaurants, so the experience was a serious splurge and well outside his wheelhouse of knowledge. He wasn't sure what to order, which table settings to use, and the wine to pair with the meal. Marshall had a choice: put on airs and pretend he knew what he was doing, or engage with the waiter, ask for his advice, and soak in the dining experience, making it a night to remember.

He chose the latter and, decades later, he still remembers this evening. Goldsmith sat down at his table and asked the waiter to recommend a meal within his $100 budget. The waiter brought dish after sumptuous dish and became Goldsmith's instructor. He explained how the food was prepared, and eagerly taught him about the wine and utensils for each dish. The waiter went well beyond the $100 limit, without charging, and they both enjoyed the evening immensely.

Lesson 1: Take nothing for granted and take no one for granted. Nirvana is now.

When you think of an earned life, what comes to mind? Is it all the boxes you check along the way:—college degree, jobs, promotions, getting married, having children, buying a home, and more? That isn't what Marshall Goldsmith had in mind when he wrote the book The Earned Life: Lose Regret and Choose Fulfillment.

When we live our lives for each new box we can check, we lose sight of fulfillment. Many of us think "If I just do X, I'll be happy". Then when we do X, we seek to check another box in a continuous quest for fulfillment.

Goldsmith has been ranked the #1 executive coach in the world 10 times. His decades of work coaching global leaders is not a simple checklist. He posits that we toggle back and forth between two emotional poles: fulfillment and regret. We judge our sense of fulfillment as purpose, meaning, achievement, relationships, engagement, and happiness. We strive for these all of our lives and invest a lot of time and energy into their pursuit. Regret, the opposite emotional pole, is believing we could have done something differently or better in our past that would have resulted in happiness.

Navigating careers and lives with a goal to reach fulfillment cannot simply be a goal to achieve. Achievement is not a buffer for regret. The earned life, according to Goldsmith, is fairly simple, and his restaurant experience exemplifies its principles:

1. Live your own life, not someone else's version of it.

2. Commit yourself to "earning" every day. Make it a habit.

3. Attach your earning moments to something greater than mere personal ambition.

We all have an opportunity to live a life without regret. And, it's never too late to start!