What You Need for Romance Beyond Physical Attraction

Finding romance goes above and beyond your physical appearance. Possessing something else facilitates the process.

Source: Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash

A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that something above and beyond physical attraction helps people find a mate. It shows that sexiness is as much about attitude, personality, and actions as it is about physical appearance. Researchers at the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya discovered that we see possible romantic partners as a lot more attractive if we have what researchers call “a sexy mindset.”

To test the effects of a sexy mindset, the team exposed participants across three separate studies either to non-pornographic sexual stimuli or to neutral stimuli. Next, the participants encountered a potential partner and rated this partner’s attractiveness and their romantic interest in the person. Participants’ interest in the partner was self-reported or evaluated by raters.

In the first study, 112 participants who were not in a romantic relationship, aged 20 to 32, were paired with an unacquainted participant of the opposite sex. Participants introduced themselves to each other by talking about their hobbies, positive traits, and future career plans while being videotaped. Next, the researchers coded the videotaped introductions for nonverbal expressions of immediacy behavior–such as close physical proximity, frequent eye contact, and flashing smiles–that indicates interest in initiating romantic relationships. They discovered that those participants exposed to a sexual stimulus (versus those exposed to the neutral stimulus) exhibited more immediacy behaviors toward potential partners and perceived the partners as more attractive and interested in them.

In the second study, 150 participants, not in a romantic relationship, 19 to 30-years old, served as a control for the potential partner’s attractiveness and reactions. All participants watched the same pre-recorded video introduction of a potential partner of the other sex and then introduced themselves to the partner while being videotaped. The team coded the videotapes looking for attempts to induce a favorable impression. The researchers again found activation of the sexual system led participants to perceive potential partners as more attractive plus they thought the potential partners were more interested in a romantic relationship. The sexy mindset reduced a participant’s concerns about being rejected, while simultaneously inducing a sense of urgency to start a romantic relationship.

In the third study, the team sought to determine whether one participant’s romantic interest in the other might explain why sexual activation affects perceptions of others’ romantic interest in oneself. They recruited 120 participants between 21 and 31, not in a romantic relationship. The participants interacted online with another participant, who in reality was an attractive opposite-sex member of the research team, in a get-to-know-each-other conversation. The participants rated their romantic interest in the other person as well as that person’s attractiveness and interest in them.

They found again that sexual activation increased a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant, which, in turn, predicted perceiving the other as more interested in oneself. Having active sexual thoughts apparently arouses romantic interest in a prospective partner and encourages the adoption of an optimistic outlook on courting prospects with a partner, concluded the researchers.

“If people anticipate that a partner shares their attraction, it is that much easier to initiate contact, because the fear of rejection is lessened,” the researchers said.

"People are more likely to desire potential partners and to project their desires onto them when sexually aroused,” said lead author Gurit Birnbaum.

These results support the idea that your sexual system can set the stage for forming relationships by biasing your perceptions. In other words, you will find potential romantic partners more attractive if you believe you're sexy or are "feeling frisky." And when aroused, you're more likely to overestimate your chances of success in finding a romantic mate. It’s precisely this bias, the team concluded, that may provide people with the necessary confidence to worry less about rejection and instead motivate them to take a leap of faith to pursue a desired romantic relationship without hesitation.