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Chances are you want the same happy life as everyone else: balanced, healthy, and stress-free. But how do you get there? Achieving balance is sometimes a tight-wire act. But one way to view your life is to think of it as a car with four wheels, each one needing enough air to keep things rolling smoothly.
Do You Have A Flat Tire?
Many of us take better care of our cars than we do ourselves. If you were a vehicle, you wouldn’t press the pedal to the metal without applying your brakes. Otherwise, you would burn out the motor, drive off a cliff, or slam into another passenger—endangering your life and that of others. If you were a car with a flat tire, you would slow down, pull over on the roadside and fix the tire. What’s stopping you from fixing what’s out of whack with yourself? After all, your car can replaced; you cannot.
The Four Spokes of Life
Each spoke is valued equally and gets close to equal attention if your wheel is balanced enough to hold shape. A balanced wheel contains both gas (doing) and brakes (being), much like a well-kept, finely tuned automobile. If one quadrant is unattended, the circle starts to deflate, lose shape and become lopsided, and your life becomes bumpy.
Spoke 1 Work: Healthy work habits include being effective and productive on the job, enjoying what you do for a living, working harmoniously with coworkers and working moderately while giving equal time to the other areas of your life.
Spoke 2 Family: In today’s world, family means many different things to different people. It can be you and your spouse (opposite-sex or same-sex) and your children. It can mean single parents with children, cohabitation of unmarried partners, gay and lesbian couples with or without children or adults who reside with older parents or siblings. Whatever your family configuration, ask yourself how much time and energy, positive communication and communion do you invest with your spouse/partner and other housemates.
Spoke 3 Play: The play spoke extends your need for social interaction outside your family to friendships and pastimes. Play consists of fun activities you participate in for pure enjoyment—recreational fun, hobbies, or volunteer work that take you away from everyday routines and stressors.
Spoke 4 Self-Care: Self-care is often considered last and least important, but actually it’s the most important spoke of all. Without self-care, you can’t function adequately in the other three quadrants, and no one can give you this but you. These are personal needs such as ample sleep, good nutrition, regular exercise, meditation, spiritual nurturing, positive self-talk, and various sundry guilty pleasures and indulgences.
Use the rating scale of 1 (never true), 2 (seldom true) 3 (often true) and 4 (usually true). Put the number that best fits you in the blank beside each statement. For your total score, add the eight numbers and put the sum in the blank at the end of each spoke.
Work
___I have many interests outside work.
___I spend as much time after hours with family and friends as with work.
___I am productive and effective and enjoy my work as much as ever.
___I work overtime only on special occasions.
___I’m able to leave my work at my workstation.
___I’m good at not allowing work to interfere with personal commitments.
___I work moderately, pace myself, and stick to regular working hours.
___I spend as much time relaxing and socializing as I do working.
TOTAL WORK SCORE___
Family
___I communicate well with family members.
___I take an active interest in the lives of family members.
___My family spends quality time together.
___My family plays and has fun together.
___I participate in family celebrations, traditions and holidays.
___I have close relationships with other members of my family.
___My personal life and work life are in harmony.
___I enjoy being with my family.
TOTAL FAMILY SCORE___
Play
___I socialize with friends who are not coworkers.
___I enjoy social gatherings.
___I enjoy activities that help me unwind and relax.
___I spend time with friends regularly.
___My social life and work life are in harmony.
___I have favorite pastimes and hobbies that I enjoy.
___I enjoy social pastimes where I can relax with friends.
___It feels good to laugh, have fun, and get my mind off work.
TOTAL PLAY SCORE___
Self-Care
___I schedule time each day just for myself to do whatever I want.
___I have a fun activity or hobby I enjoy.
___I regularly take time out for meditation, prayer, or contemplation.
___I eat nutritional, well-balanced meals.
___I make sure I get adequate rest and sleep.
___I make time for daily or weekly physical exercise.
___I am optimistic and look for the best in myself.
___I slow down and refrain from gobble, gulp, and go.
TOTAL SELF-CARE SCORE___
Do a Maintenance Check and Look Under the Hood
Few of us are perfectly balanced, but the closer you come to fullness in the four spokes, the less stressed, healthier, and happier you will feel and the longer your life trajectory. Now that you’re familiar with the four spokes, what do you notice? Ask yourself if balance is missing in one or more quadrants. What do you like or dislike about what you see? What do you want to change? How would you do it and when will you begin? Consider using the findings to develop your own stress proof, burnout prevention plan. What if you did a self-maintenance check as often as you take your car in for one, look under the hood and pay closer attention to how you treat yourself inside.
Chances are you wouldn’t dream of treating a loved one the way you treat yourself: calling yourself names, pelting yourself for the smallest human slip-ups, disbelieving in yourself enough to give up on your goals. When you’re feeling sad, in pain, or grieving, harsh words can actually worsen your distress: “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” “There are people worse off than you.” “Get a grip!”
Talking yourself off the ledge with a compassionate voice in a calm, comforting tone helps you cope as if you’re applying salve to a wound. After you have a setback, self-condemnation often barges in. But the real stressors are the condemnations, not the setbacks. When you remove the second layer of self-judgment and substitute compassion, you can see the real barrier more clearly and feel more at ease dealing with it. Being gentle and supportive with yourself when you’re under the gun reduces the pressure.
Start wanting only the best for yourself in everything you do and be willing to catch yourself when you fall just like you would a best friend. Forgive yourself for your shortcomings and see them for what they are: habits, old behavior patterns or just plain mistakes that all of us make. Throw yourself a thumbs-up every time you finish a project, reach a successful milestone or accomplish a goal. Self-soothing pep talks and supportive words are beneficial in high-pressured situations. Whether you’re dealing with a big crisis or small hassles, a kind nurturing voice spares you a lot of stress, calms you down, and helps you scale life’s obstacles.
