You Don't Find Purpose, You Build It

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In our culture, there’s often a prevailing belief that we must find our purpose—a singular, defining revelation that will guide our lives and provide deep fulfillment. This concept is alluring but can be paralyzing. Studies show that as many as 91 percent of people experience “purpose anxiety” at some point in their lives. This anxiety stems from the pressure of trying to pinpoint a grand, singular purpose. As people chase this elusive idea of "finding" purpose, they often feel stress, anxiety, and depression. They search tirelessly, hoping that a big epiphany will come crashing down upon them, making everything in life seem more meaningful. But what if the idea of "finding" purpose is the problem in itself?

The reality is that purpose is not something to find; it’s something we create. It’s not about waiting for a life-altering moment to bestow purpose upon us. Instead, we build it, piece by piece, drawing from the elements in our lives that ignite passion, joy, and fulfillment. And to do this, we need to recognize the “purpose anchors” that already exist around us.

So, how do we identify these purpose anchors? Here are four ways to begin:

1. Regrets: What Would You Regret Never Doing?

As a hospice doctor, I often work with patients in the final stages of life. One of the most important things we do in hospice care is a life review—an intentional reflection on life’s most meaningful moments. We talk about accomplishments, failures, and the people who shaped us. We also discuss regrets. Often, these conversations are bittersweet because, for many people, it’s too late to change their paths. Regrets become a fixed part of their story.

But the truth is, we don’t have to wait until we’re on our deathbeds to consider our regrets. What if we ask ourselves, while we still have time, “If I were to die next week, what would I regret never having the energy, courage, or time to do?” Reflecting on this question when you are healthy and capable of action gives you a powerful insight into what truly matters to you.

For me, this question led to my realization that I would regret never having traditionally published a book. At that moment, I decided to make writing a priority and began building my life around that goal. Whatever you find when you ask yourself this question could be a purpose anchor waiting to be discovered. The key is that you have the agency to act on it right now.

2. Joys of Childhood: What Lit You Up as a Kid?

Children often don’t struggle with finding their purpose. They do what lights them up, what brings them joy, without the weight of external expectations. They play, create, and explore without worrying about future success or status. This natural inclination to pursue joy and creativity often diminishes as we grow older and become more focused on achievements, career paths, and external validation.

To reconnect with your purpose, it can be helpful to think back to what excited you as a child. What activities or hobbies made you lose track of time? What were you drawn to instinctively, before you learned to doubt or suppress those desires?

For me, one such memory is my love of baseball cards. As a child, I was obsessed with collecting them. Over the years, as I got older, I forgot about them entirely, but now, whenever I come across anything related to baseball cards on social media, it sparks a sense of excitement. It’s a reminder of something that lit me up in my youth, and I see it as a potential purpose anchor in my life.

Reflecting on the things that brought you joy as a child can reveal the raw, untainted passions that still hold potential. These memories can be a foundation for building purpose, one that feels authentic and fulfilling.

3. The Art of Subtraction: Clear Out What No Longer Serves You

Sometimes, our purpose becomes clouded by the overwhelming number of tasks and responsibilities we accumulate in our lives, particularly at work. Over time, we may find ourselves buried under a mountain of obligations, many of which drain our energy and prevent us from engaging with what truly matters.

A great way to identify purpose anchors is by practicing the art of subtraction. Take a list of all your work-related roles and responsibilities. Ask yourself: which of these do I dislike or feel drained by? Which tasks suck my energy? Once you’ve identified those, eliminate them. Focus on what remains—the aspects of your work or life that give you energy and a sense of meaning.

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For me, I reached a point in my medical career where I felt overwhelmed and unfulfilled. I began removing the parts of my job that didn’t bring me joy, and what remained was my work in hospice care. I realized that helping people at the end of their lives was my purpose anchor. This process of simplification helped me focus on what really mattered and build a life of purpose around it.

4. The Spaghetti Method: Experiment and See What Sticks

If none of the above methods seem to yield results, consider trying the "spaghetti method." This approach is all about experimentation. Throw a bunch of "spaghetti" against the wall and see what sticks. Say yes to people or opportunities you might typically avoid. Try activities that make you slightly uncomfortable or curious. Push yourself outside your usual routines to discover new experiences that might light you up.

Sometimes, purpose isn’t something we can define with certainty—it’s something we stumble upon as we go through life, experimenting with new roles, relationships, and passions. The key is to be open to the process and allow yourself to be guided by curiosity rather than certainty. If you try something and it excites you, that could very well be a purpose anchor in the making.

Conclusion: Build a Life of Purpose

If you’ve been waiting for purpose to find you, you might be waiting forever. Instead of searching for an elusive "one thing" that will suddenly make your life feel purposeful, focus on the anchors that already exist in your life. Look to your regrets, childhood joys, what’s left after subtracting the unimportant, and what excites you through experimentation. These elements can guide you toward a deeper, more authentic sense of purpose.

Building a life of purpose isn’t about waiting for the perfect revelation to come. It’s about creating your life, step by step, based on the things that light you up and give you fulfillment. And the more you build, the more purpose you will find.