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Key points
- Teaching purpose by modeling your own passion is more effective than simply giving advice to kids.
- Let kids experience success and failure in a safe environment to discover their own sense of purpose.
- A strong sense of purpose is a crucial ingredient for lasting happiness and fulfillment in life.
As parents, one of our greatest desires is to set our children on the path to a joyful and fulfilling life. But how exactly do we do that? In my estimation, the answer lies in teaching them purpose. It sounds simple enough, but there's an art to it. In fact, there are three main approaches to teaching your children purpose—and, ultimately, happiness—but only one of these methods works effectively. Let’s break them down and explore why one is far more powerful than the others.
The Didactic Approach: Telling Your Kids What to Do
The first method of teaching purpose is a didactic one. This means sitting down with your child and telling them exactly what you think will bring them purpose and, in turn, happiness. Often, this approach involves reflecting on your own mistakes and offering guidance on how they can avoid the same pitfalls. It could come in the form of advice, stories, or lessons based on personal experience.
While it might sound like the right thing to do, this approach isn’t very effective. Kids don’t like being told what to do. They don’t respond well to simply being talked at, especially when it comes to something as deeply personal as purpose. They’re more likely to tune out than to take the advice to heart. As much as we want to pass down our wisdom, our children may not appreciate it in the way we intend.
Didactic teaching might give children information, but it doesn’t give them the experience or motivation to build their own sense of purpose. It’s a one-way street of instruction, and as such, it’s one of the least successful ways to teach children about purpose.
The Modeling Approach: Leading by Example
The second and most successful way to teach your children purpose is through modeling. Children are keen observers—they don’t just hear what we say; they see what we do. If you want to teach your children about purpose, the most powerful way is by living it out yourself.
When you pursue activities and passions that light you up—things that feel purposeful to you—your children will notice. They’ll see you deeply engaged in something that brings you joy and fulfillment, and that can spark their own curiosity. Your example might not lead them to the exact same passions you have, but it will give them the courage to seek out their own. It will show them that it’s not just okay but essential to pursue what feels meaningful to them.
This is what I like to call generational growth. Instead of passing down generational trauma or limiting beliefs, you’re passing down the idea that purpose is something you actively create. By being an example of a purposeful life, you give your children permission to do the same when they grow older.
This approach is incredibly powerful because it’s not just about telling your kids how to live—it’s about showing them how. And even if their path looks different from yours, they’ll have the confidence to pursue their own journey with purpose.
The Experiential Learning Approach: Letting Kids Explore Purpose Through Safe Risks
The third approach to teaching your kids purpose is through experiential learning. This method allows children to discover purpose through their own trial and error, without fear of major consequences. It’s about giving them the freedom to explore, make mistakes, and learn in a safe environment.
Experiential learning provides children with the opportunity to experience success and failure in a way that helps them build resilience. It allows them to explore what excites them, what they care about, and what truly lights them up—without the pressure of needing to get it "right" immediately.
I’ll share a personal example to illustrate this point. When I was a child, my friends and I had a wild idea to build a swimming pool in a barren area between our houses. We weren’t aware of the practical challenges—we just knew we wanted to create something. We spent days clearing rubble, marking out the space, and even starting to dig. For us, it felt purposeful and exciting.
But when I shared our ambitious project with my parents, they didn’t just encourage us to keep going. Instead, they brought me inside, sat me down in front of the computer, and showed me all the reasons why we couldn’t actually build a pool. Their intention was to save me from failure, but in doing so, they robbed me of the chance to experience it for myself.
Had they simply allowed me to continue, I would have eventually discovered that building a pool was more complicated than we had imagined. I would have learned the challenges involved and likely shifted my goals over time. But the key here is that I would have learned through experience, and that would have been far more impactful than simply reading about it in an encyclopedia.
That’s the beauty of experiential learning: it’s the chance to try things out in a low-risk environment. Children learn what works, what doesn’t, and most importantly, they learn what excites them. It teaches them that failure isn’t something to fear—it’s part of the process of figuring out what gives them purpose.
Why Purpose Matters for Happiness
You might be wondering, why is all of this about purpose so important? The truth is, purpose is one of the key ingredients to a happy, fulfilling life. A sense of purpose gives children direction, motivation, and a deeper sense of meaning in everything they do. It helps them understand that their actions matter and that they can contribute to the world in ways that align with their values and interests.
When we teach our children purpose, we’re not just teaching them what to do—we’re helping them build the foundation for a joyful, happy life. Purpose drives passion, and passion fuels happiness. If we want our children to be truly fulfilled, teaching them how to discover and pursue their own purpose is essential.
The Bottom Line: Modeling, Not Lecturing
When it comes to teaching our children about purpose, the most effective approach is through modeling. Lead by example, and let your children see what it looks like to live a purposeful life. Provide opportunities for them to explore their own interests through safe, experiential learning. And, most importantly, allow them the space to grow into their own version of purpose—without the pressure of trying to force them down a specific path.
As parents, our job is not to dictate their journey but to give them the tools and the confidence to find it for themselves. Purpose isn’t something we can simply tell them about; it’s something they must experience and discover on their own. And in doing so, we’ll be giving them the best chance to build a life full of joy and fulfillment.
